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I wish it were that simple, but I can't afford a place at the moment and probably will only be able to afford a place in a few years. Sounds like before you think about dating, you really need to develop some adult boundaries with your parents and learn how to keep more things to yourself.
Just because you are still living home, doesn't mean you need to be accounting to them for all of your time and where, when and with who you are spending it. I mean do you go out with friends? Do you go catch some drinks after work with co-workers? I think you need to keep working on your confidence and with that, your personal independence. Go join some meetup groups and pick up some hobbies and activities, etc.
Develop more of a personal life and identity and get some mileage with that. At some point you will have to find the courage to say to your parents, "Please do not interrupt me when I am on phone. Thank you. They won't like it, but eventually they'll realize that you have grown up.
You cut the apron string by If moving out isn't an option I don't know why it's so embarrassing if your parents say hi and try to make conversation Mom, Dad, You've said hi, so now stop being awkward and get out of here haha" and push them out of your bedroom. Make it a joke. You'll seem more confident on the phone that way instead of whiny. Also, good, decent guys won't mind coming to your house and picking you up for a date.
I get that parents are embarrassing Just say, "my parents want to meet the guys I'm dating, can you come a few minutes early and say hi really quick. When you have crush on someone Just be confident with it- not embarrassed. Parents just want what's best for you. And you know that. You have a great relationship already which I love hearing btw, normally people are on here complaining about how horrible their families are, and it sounds like you're really care, and that's so great which means that you should try to listen to their feedback.
If they don't approve of a guy They want what is best for you, they want you to be happy- so if they see you with a good one, they'll tell you No I don't really have much of a social group and don't go out at all really. I've made friends with a co-worker and we really get on well, but right now she is on maternity leave so I can't really hang out with her because she is really tired as she is 9 months.
I have recently volunteered to do some voluntary work for a charity that I have always wanted to work for so I hope to meet people there as we will probably share the same interests. So I think that is going to help with my personal independence. I have tried doing that before, but my dad especially got over sensitive about it and it turned into an argument and that is what I'm trying to avoid. My dad is always so suspicious, that is why its so hard. Hey, thank you so much for your post!
I never thought about making a light hearted joke out of it when they walk in on me on the phone so I will bear that in mind the next time I meet someone. Yeah thats true if I guy really likes me he won't care about popping into the house to say "hey" for 2 minutes, I guess the other guys didn't like me enough.
Yes I know they want whats best for me and that's why I felt a bit guilty writing this post because I didn't want to disrespect them in any way, but at the same time I want some personal independence. I will really work on being more confident instead of embarrassed, thank you again. I would just lie and say you're going out with a friend when you meet a guy, because honestly, they don't need to know who it is and you've been an adult for four years.
As long as you don't stay away all night or come home high on drugs or something, they shouldn't be freaking out too much. Negotiations adult boundaries with your parents while being respectful of their love and concern for you They were both in their 20's when they met, think my dad was in his late 20's though because he is four years older than my Mum. Yeah I agree, l would much rather be straight up with my parents I am a 25 year old guy and I still live at home.
It's mainly been due to work and college. I like my home and my dog, I like to fix up the house and I do not freeload. Don't let society dictate you; if you are happy living at home right now or can't afford a place on your own, you do not have to move out. And if you are not living with someone else, you will get VERY lonely with no one else around unless you are out most of the time.
Anyway, my dad isn't bad but my mother is also very overprotective and used to give me crap over someone I dated years ago. You need to put your foot down. You are 22 years old. Tell your parents you love and respect them but you will not let them dictate your personal life if you want to see someone.
Who you date and see is none of their business. Now if you are bringing people around your house, that may push their buttons. They own the house and they don't really have to let people into their house if they don't want.
But honestly, I wouldn't bring anyone around to the house unless you went on more than a few dates. If this is someone you really think is worth the hassle then I would bring them to your home. And I agree on the others, if your parents want to know who you are dating even on the first date, you should just tell the guy you are dating, ask him if he would like to meet your parents quick because they want to know who you are seeing.
If I were in that predicament, I wouldn't mind at all. In fact, I would respect that. And any guy that bashes your family or makes fun of you for that, I would kick them to the curb fast! By AmySher Started 7 hours ago. If it were, I would have already done it, no matter what kind of relationship I had with my parents. Well it is never simple. It is something you have to work on. Make your next goal in life to move out.
Tell your parent's that is your next goal in life. I'm sure they will flip but it might just be a wake up call for them. Good look! It won't be easy but I hope it works out for you. Move in with someone on Craigslist looking for a roommate. That will likely take care of the landlord problem and will also cut your rent in half. All right, I guess I didn't realize that was a possibility, I figured I would still have to deal with a landlord even if I was looking for someone who was looking for a roommate.
Then I get tips from my one job, though that's not part of my paycheck I get every week. God that's embarrassing. I don't even think I could afford a roommate situation to be honest. I don't have a good enough job to rent an apartment and it doesn't seem like anyone is willing to pay me any more money that what I make now.
My only real option now is to run away and move out west with some relatives who are nice and normal and have offered for me to stay with them. It's just risky because it involves quitting the only jobs I've been able to get since I came back to the States. If it were as simple as "move out", I would have already done it, no matter what kind of relationship I had with my parents.
Unfriend mom on FB or make a new page. Move out when you can. I live in a completely different country then my parents and the last time it was at their house with my husband and two children I was told that we could not leave their house to go to the airport at a particular time because the rush hour traffic was too bad.
I am 40, it will never change. Luckily, my kids get the benefit, because I will not do anything like this to them. To piggyback on this, as an alternative if you know your mum will kick off if you unfriend her, put her on individual privacy settings so you can control what she'll see. God that's disheartening, that you're 40 and it's still like that. I did unfriend my mom on Facebook, I'm not sure she's noticed yet, but whatever. I can't wait to move out, I started looking for apartments around here, but the truth is, I don't make a lot of money, and I don't think a lot of landlords would want to take me on.
I just got back from teaching abroad for a year, so I'm just doing whatever I can to make some money again. My aunt and uncle in Montana I live in a very small town in upstate New York, so there isn't a lot of opportunity here , and they offered for me to come live with them and get a job out there. I'm very seriously considering doing that, but I'm not sure about job opportunities out there.
But this is intolerable, living here. I can't believe how miserable I am. Thanks for your response! To date my daughter, you must bring me the largest cow in your heard. During the feast, at least THREE feats of strength must be preformed, then a final fourth where you wrestle me. IF you win, then you may date her! You shoulda heard it when I went over to my SO's house the first time. I was 25 as well. They flipped.
Honestly, my parents are like that too. It's not something you can really change unfortunately, just get the hell out of there as soon as possible. Yeah I'll do my best! As I said to someone else, I just got back from teaching abroad for a year, so I'm out of money. I'm not really employable here in the States due to having studied humanities as an undergrad. But, again as I said to someone else, my aunt and uncle out in Montana offered for me to come stay with them, live out there for a while, so I'm seriously considering taking them up on that.
Can I go live with your mom? I'm honestly embarrassed that I'm living at home indefinitely like this. I can't believe it's taken this long for me to be a successful adult. I didn't mean for it to happen this way at all. I can't get a better job than what I have now, and I don't currently make enough money to get an apartment around here as far as I can tell.
So my only option would be to take this huge risk, quit my jobs, and move out west. I'm just afraid to get there and not be able to get work out there either. Thanks for sticking up for me, even though I guess I'm kind of a loser. She might not have a better option right now. As someone currently dealing with a similar situation, I can assure you that it's tough and you make decisions that you don't want to have to make that force you to swallow your pride or give up little pieces of your sanity.
Regardless, her parents have no right to try and control her like they're doing. Don't jump to conclusions from a few paragraph reddit post. I only have one better option, which is kind of a big risk. Leaving upstate NY and moving out to Montana with an aunt and uncle who have offered for me to come out and live with them.
They know how my town is and how my parents are. Other than that, I can't get a better job according to my efforts in applying for jobs, and I don't make enough money right now to move out. I don't think most landlords will take on a tenant who makes the kind of money I do. I think it would be worth it. Ever thought of getting roommates though? Yeah I still don't think with roommates it would work. I might be able to pay for it, but I don't think a landlord would want me as a tenant because I would have so little income.
From what you've said, your relatives out there are good people and they would be patient with you while you find work aka they won't charge you a buttload for rent, if at all. While it's true that landlords want a certain amount of your gross income to equal a percentage of rent, some just want to make sure they have their money.
My landlady takes any "supplemental income", which includes school financial aid, which was a godsend for me. I guess my next question is, have you actually sat down with a leasing office and talked to anyone about it? If your aunt and uncle are willing to take you in to help you get away from your parents and your city, they might be willing to help you with the cost of flying there or driving there. I would consider this option for the sake of your sanity.
Talk it out with your aunt and uncle. Even if they can't help you get there, they might be able to suggest better options to you and help you that way. Best of luck! Truthfully, I think I could probably manage the cost of driving out there now I would want my car, and it's so much easier to bring all of my stuff when I'm driving, rather than worrying about weight limits for luggage on a plane. What I'm really concerned about is getting a job out there.
They live in a much larger city than where I currently live, but what I'm understanding is that the job market sucks everywhere. I'm hesitant to quit jobs I already have you know? I understand that this his how you are viewing the situation, but have you sat down to think about the impression you have made on your parents?
What have YOU done to show them that you are an adult and can take care of your self? You should be working full-time and saving up to move out of your fathers house. By showing that you are mature enough to warrant some independence maybe they'll get off your case I am working 5 days a week, I just don't make enough to afford an apartment here.
As far as I can tell anyway, I keep hearing that landlords want your income to be 3x your rent, which I can't really claim. I guess it's especially hard because they don't do this to my brother, who is 23 and also still lives at home. For some reason, everything he does is wonderful but I'm too stupid to take care of myself and obviously need my parents to interfere in everything I do, in their eyes.
Oh I have. Both parents deny it completely. Apparently they worry about him just as much as they do me and we're being treated completely fairly and equally. When he started dating the girl he's with now a few weeks ago, all my mother could talk about was how wonderful it was. But if I start dating someone, I'm on a path to destruction and need my mother to stop me rolls eyes. You're right though, it's definitely worth bringing up. I will probably continue to bring it up periodically.
I understand it can be tough, but you need to show your parents you are an adult. Get some roommates or sublet a room, your the only one with the power to change your situation. As long as you are under their roof they will continue to rain over your life, I know it's not fair but if civil conversation doesn't work then remove yourself from the equation. Once you are over 18 and no longer financially dependent on your parents it sounds like you might not have that part covered yet , you don't have to put up with this shit.
You can determine if you want your parents in your life or not. If they want to pull shit like that, make it clear that the cost of such behavior is losing you, and mean it. So move out, even if it means you need 17 roommates and you're living in a tiny place, and define clear limits to your relationship with your parents.
If you can do that, it can get better although it may get worse on the way to better. Yeah I don't expect things to get better for a long time. I just got back from teaching abroad for a school year, so I'm out of money, and I don't have much in the way of skills other than teaching, but I'm not state certified and I don't have a masters so I can't really get a lot in the way of jobs. I don't think I make enough money even for a landlord to want to take me on as a tenant, and there isn't a lot of job opportunity in the boondocks of upstate New York.
Some relatives who are nice normal people out west have offered for me to live with them and get away from my parents their words so I might head out there soon. But you're right, I'm still upset about this incident, and I've already started lying to my parents about seeing this guy.
I always thought I wanted to stay within a few hours' drive of my parents, but now I'm really not so sure. Thanks for your response. Going and living with your nice normal people relatives might be enough of a distance to be able to use your presence in your parents life as leverage. If not, the important thing is to keep yourself sane and grounded until you can move out and get that distance. And really, it doesn't have to be geographical distance.
You can live down the street but not let them be a presence in your life. The point is to decide where to draw the line where their crazy is too much to deal with as an independent adult. Obviously, it's nice to have more people in your corner, but sometimes the people you are related to are just too crazy to count as being in your corner. Don't let their crazy make you crazy.
Good luck! Moving out to Montana initially was like a fun way for me to get away from my boring hometown that has nothing to offer, and I was feeling excited about it. It's just that now it's taken on this sense of urgency, like I have to make it work or else. I just don't know if I can find work out there, even though they do live in a major city.
At least I do have work now, even though it sucks and doesn't make much money. I might have to risk it though. I can't allow this to go on anymore. I'm not even allowed to "drink" or "go to concerts" I'm a fucking music journalist on the side. So, anyway. I feel your pain. Wow do I feel for you. At least my parents don't disapprove of drinking and concerts. Want to live here? Jk haha.
It's nice in a weird way to talk to someone in a similar horrible situation though, isn't it? Feel free to PM me if you want to chat! You too! Ya, it's gotten better but last year I lived with them after a 2 year relationship. Omg awful. Maybe sometime. I understand where you're coming from, I do, and I hope to reach that place someday. But right now, I don't feel like talking to her ever again. I just can't wait to move out, it's just that my life is so uncertain it's difficult.
I'm not going to be the one to reach out to her. That's not my job. She needs to come to me with a full apology and acknowledgement of how crazy her behavior was. I won't accept it, but it'll be in my head so I can forgive her later in life. I'm not sure I'll be seeing the guy I mentioned in this post again, but I can't risk anything like this happening again with a guy I might actually have a future with. Sorry, as you can see, I'm still really really angry with her, even though this was a week ago.
Thanks for your response, I'll keep it in mind, but I'm not holding my breath. May I suggest a different tactic? Unfortunately, your going to need your boyfriend's help to do it. Invite your boyfriend over to each parent's separately for dinner and have him charm them both. Make them see he's not a rapist and actually a nice guy that you potentially want to spend the rest of your life with.
They never trust me with anything. They have never let me do anything i really wanted to do , like going out with my friends or having a phone or using the internet on weekdays or even going out of the house to hang with my neighbourhood friends. I have two best friends and they're both very good at the internet and has many friends.
But i don't have that many. I only have them. They havr told me to talk to my parents or talk to a teacher because they think my parents are really giving me a lot of depression. I've tried once but i made a second decision and decided that i shouldn't. Because i'm scared of them more than i love them. I've tried runing away to my friends house before because they wouldn't even let me go to any friend's house even if i told them to come along.
Sometimes i don't even think im their real daughter. I just think they adopted me just to bully me everyday and let me do my homework everyday and all. I really just wanna tell them how i feel and cry it all out in front of them for once. Once my best friends got into this squad and it kinda felt like they were leaving me out so i just ate my lunch in the toilet everyday. Now, they are fighting about some cheating pproblems. I just wished they would drop me off for an adoption and leave me with foster parents because that would've been better than living with them.
My parents control everything they don't let me go out they don't let me wear what i want or do what i want they just control every single aspect of my life i feel like my life is just meaningless iam tired of it whenever i try to talk to them they scream or hit me iam just tired. I'm 15 turnig 16 next month from the UK. All my life I have felt like everything I do isn't really for my sake, but for my parent's. I never really enjoyed my time in primary school because I never had the courage to ask to do sports.
I was wasn't a very bright child and I mostly kept to myself. Now I'm in secondary school and since I started my teens I haven't enjoyed it at all. I am rarely able to go out with my friends or just out in general without them being sceptical. I have always wanted to experience a real party or go to a carnival that happens every year here but I know that my parents will say no. I don't think they fully trust me.
I have always had good behaviour and now I have some of the best grades in my year group yet it's never enough. I don't think that the hard work I'm doing is for myself, but more for my parent's approval. I finally convinced them to allow me to do a sport but when I tried before they never let me. I love them so much and I mean no disrespect but I have never been able to be the real me and express myself. Hi, I have a little update. So, guess what.
I always feel left out around my friends as they usually ignore me. It hurts and i cry everyday and myself to sleep. There is also soooooooooooooo many things I can say, but im afraid to say it as it seems too real. I asked when can I get my eyebrows done cause almost everyone in my class has them done, but my mom said eighteen. But they are only little things. The ignoring from my friends has gotten reeaallyy bad.
I cant even express how upset I am about it, and i wish I looked like the other girls in my class. I have gotten nasty comments on a certain part of my face loads of times. And good comments too i suppose, but yeah. I only lie in bed doing nothing cause I dont feel like excersising, talking, doing anything. Great way to spend the holidays. I dont know if i have depression, and there is four people in my life who are causing it. I cant say though. I'm 19 years old, going to be 20 in a few months and I'm stuck with an overprotective mom.
She has controlled my life as long as i can remember. I'm in my 2nd year of college and i still have to beg her to let me go out with friends. She doesn't approve friends of the opposite sex, she thinks every boy i meet has bad intentions or either drinks or smokes.
She doesnt let me go out for roadtrips, doesnt let me have sleepovers, and is totally against having a boyfriend. I'm scared to stand up to her because i still financially depend on my family for college tuition. My dad is comparatively much better and broad minded but unfortunately lives in another country cuz of his job.
I really don't know how to gain freedom from her, she wont let me stay in hostel either for no reason. I'm planning on leaving my parent's house in two years, with or without their will. And i'm kinda scared because i've never talked about this topic. I'm twelve years old, turning thirteen in a few months. My parents are the worse. I am probably the most mature person in my class, even though I am the oldest.
Yep, I am the oldest in my class and this still happens to me. I got a phone about two months ago. As I got one a little later than everyone else, I presumed there wouldn't be any of my moms crazy rules. Haha, wasn't I wrong. My mom nags me if I am on my phone for five minutes and says Im addicted. Then she said Im not allowed it in my bedroom. I'm allowed my phone from ten o clock in the morning to seven o clock in the evening, for one hour.
I also have to have my phone downstairs by seven o clock on the dot. My Mom also has an app to track what I'm doing. Except me. My mom lied and said we were going in town but we never did so I could miss it. I'm not allowed to hang around anyway. If she was going to be like this with my phone, why didn't she get it for me when I was older and there was no rules? My mom turns off our internet box. Oh yeah, and did I mention my mom promised that I'm not allowed to get a second piercing till I'm 26?
All I can say is overprotective much? I read some of the comments below and i found that a couple of you guys have it worse than me, which reminds me to always be grateful of what i have. But the thing is about my parents, once they have an image of you in their mind, it will never change.
I mean they think I am the type of kid that sleeps at pm. Back to the real issue. They once offered i use their phone, and I accepted. But I stopped using their phones when I caught my mother reading the messages between me and friends.
Every time I look around me, i see kids having the time of their lives, and when i look back at myself, i see years passing by with no highlights, no special memories. I mean, childhood is all about memories, and my childhood is coming to an end, with tons of blank pages in it. All they notice is that lost half mark, or that detention for being tardy.
Me, in the other hand, with a great report card, getting a lame congratulation. But no I told her I want Snapchat because no one texts anymore. But anytime I try to ask she just says no, adding a smart ass comment. Yeah, she told me all that. Truth is, I cry almost everyday day after school and add on to my big runaway plan. Sorry mother I am finally free and happy. But I actually am picked on everyday. I am the oldest yet least liked. In a sun catching grassy field , watching children play while they mind the deer, and be happy, quick lean dogs chasing squirrels and mothers playing tag with their barely grown children.
That is true happiness. I wish from the very start of me having good friends both genders back in middle to the beginning of high school, I was able to hang with my friends more often that I would like to. I feel so excluded and my friends rarely invite me anywhere anymore or when my friends do ask, I already have the sentence ready.. But once again, I wish that they were more accepting of m emotions to the way they handle my life.
I wish I was free and be happy. I wish my life was easier and more fun.. I feel drained everyday. This is John from before. I feel you and your struggles. I feel like my childhood was wasted. My dad promised to get me a bike when I was 10 if I could get good grades. I worked my butt off and got the highest grades in my class. You know best. Furthermore, he keeps treating me like a child.
He saw me in my boots and got mad at me and told me to go back home and change them. I decided I would stay home. I eventually had to change them because he pulled them off my feet. This is my life. A life in which making decisions about my shoes gets me slaps from my parent. He spent the whole day trying to guilt trip me for saying no. I know there will be more fights but my mom is dead and no one can help me reason with him.
Can someone give me advice? I am also a very new immigrant from Africa. Advice please before I might make a decision I regret for life! I feel u lol I basically have strict dumb parents and I can't go out if u cant sneak out trust me its worth it if you scared then don't you deserve to enjoy ya teenage life. I'm 24 years old and I'm having all of these issues and all of other issues on other websites and youtube videos. I've discovered this concept of "overprotective parents" today. I thought we me and my siblings were the only subjects to this curse.
I've lost my childhood, a childhood that will never be back again never ever. Same for my teenage. I was trying to avoid it when I had 12, I remember it like yesterday. I was aware of the problem and I knew my childhood was lost, and I wanted to avoid loosing my teenage again but it happened and it's over I'm 24 years old. Currently, I'm already experiensing the fact I would loose my relationship life too. I suck with my girlfriend and any other elementary relation with others.
I'm just done with my life and I'm planning suicide soon or later before I'm currently having to make hard decision about pursuing my relationship with my girlfriend and having childs. I don't want and I will never let any child if I'm planning suicide. I'm looking for a way to explain all of my issues to my girlfriend now and telling her to find a far more better husband then I'm free to just commit suicide.
I always dream of this ultimate freedom and hapiness. Hey guys I am 12 years old and basically I have a hard life. In school I started cross country and I convinced my mom to let me have a phone so that I could call her because cross country was an after school thing.
When I had my phone my mom would be so strict and me not having social media and if I did I would face consequences. First thing you know I go to a birthday with friends and they were like get instagram. I got it and then my mom found out and she did not let me have it for a month. After that I was done with cross country and I just had my phone and then my mom was seeing that I was getting addicted and she took it away.
After that I back talked to her and guess what I am in 6th grade right now and that was a cruel punishment. I was really mad. Then at school all my friends would have parents that were soo nice and not mean like my parents. They had phones and tbh I would get jealous. I would also walk to the library across school and I only walked there twice. After that my mom was being so overprotective and she would say I would get kdnapped when the library was right across the street. She would say that she had to drive me there and I would get mad.
After that I was hanging out with bad friends and she would literally spy on me and after that I would just say there is no point in this lets just go home. About three months later she would get very strict and one day I couldn't handle it anymore so I walked to Starbucks across the street that was about 15 minutes walking.
My friend said that nothing would happen so I did it. Well my mom found out and she said that she would not let me go after school and hang with friends and go to the library across the street for a month. It was April so basically for the rest of the school year. My friend gets to go to the mall and basically anything and I can't do one of those things. She would ask me do u want to come to the mall with me without parents and I have been trying for about a month to convince her and my mom will just say noooooo.
If you have a life like this I am so sorry and I feel you I went through this and have cried myself to sleep. I am done with all of this. My mum passed away when I was 12 and since then my dad has raised me and my siblings alone. I never go out to meet anyone. He got mad at me for choosing to walk on one side of the street. He got mad at me for keeping my hat on.
He is pushing me to the verge of rebellion and then he tells me not to provoke him. Who is being provocative?! Ye im 15 and this all fits into the category of my parents. I got bullied a bunch last year and then this year i finally have some amazing friends and my parents wont let me go to a sleepover because their will be boys, and ive told them im ace and they dont care.
Im missing out on having these memories and my whole childhood has just been abuse from my mums ex and he is finally gone but its one thing after the other. I realise now my parents barely know me. They think they do but they dont. Being restricted from making decisions for my whole life has caused me to think of self harm and i feel like i dont belong anywhere cause im not getting the chance to know my friends and i know i can just go back to my old friend group but i dont fit in and id just be sad.
My friends are my source of happiness and i only have 2 years left with them. Thats not long and when that goes away and ive been Pressured to be the most perfect child and never hang out with friends, ill have no stories to tell about highschool apart from my over protective parents. I get its because they love me but its not good and i feel untrusted and lonely. Should i feel this way? It feels wrong but i didnt know it was wrong till i resd this and heard about my friends parents.
I wanna show them this page or get them to read it with me to try and understand. Hi guys.. So basically I have the same problem as u guys but i'm a few yrs younger. My parents aren't AS strict as ur guys ones but i'm still annoyed.
Anyone out there who has the same problem of their parents being too strict I hope u guys eventually get ur own freedom! Ugh don't get me started! So my mum basically plans my routine when my one is fine! I like my one more bc its made by me.. I like being independent. I've said to my mum I don't want to be a mathematician or teacher when i'm older. I like music, and sports. I think 1 hour is enough for me and i don't like sitting down for AGES.
If i don't do my routine the way my mum likes it I just wanna put that out there! All my other friends think my mum is strict.. I just need more freedom.. I will find a solution if i keep trying.. I want all you guys out there to stay positive, like me! I'm 17 and wow all these things up there are just so true. Recently i've been asking them for permission to hang out with my two friends they are both girls to LEARN for the endterm test cuz they have been helping me so much in some subjects and i want to pay them back.
I know it may seem weird to go out and LEARN for the entire day but the endterm test is coming and we really do have the intention to learn properly. But as expected, my parents didn't accept and to be honest, i'm quite disappointed. I've always try to be an optimistic girl, but after this happened, I really feel like giving up and be a good "doll" for them for the rest of my life. I have been refusing too much hanging out request that I can't even count. Every time my friends only girls ask me out to watch movies with them or just hanging out a day and take pictures, my mom would said I don't have time for such thing and compare me to other geniuses and made me feel bad about my marks and stuff.
My friends stop asking me out and even when they don't leave me alone, I still feel bad for them to have such a terrible friend like me. But what really irritates me here is that they don't treat my younger brother the same.
He is 12 and actually he has been hanging out with his friends quite recently not for too late but at least he got to hangout. Is it because he is a boy? I'm 5 years old older than him and far more responsible than him, but never in my life have my parents stopped blocking me in their cage and make me do exactly what they say "for my own goods".
Every time i fight back, they would used the same reason all over and over again: I'm still not 18 yet and i should learn to have a better future. I'm learning like hell over here? I've been learning piano for years and spend at least 3 hours a day to pratice, learning for SAT, IELTS, tests at both music school and my other school, and still my parents used this as a reason :.
Well, sooner or later, I think I'll broke down in piece at this rate. Hie Guys i'm 21 and i really feel you. They are after me always to such an extent i have no room for my own privacy. In as much as i'm introverted sometimes i really wish i can be as spontaneous.
Whenever i confront them about other perspective of life with good points, i'm always sidelined they claim that i'm becoming disrespectful. At times i get yelled at for nothing just because i'm the first born, intimidated. Whenever i'm away from home i. Whenever i'm at home i am never happy, free. Its like hell can't wait to leave and start my own life. I have been living with this for years now can't hold any longer its killing me inside.
I have never given my parents any problems during my adolescence, neither i got in trouble. If this continues it result in resentment which in latter will to depression then death suicide. I'm 19 and experienced almost everything you all have experienced. Sheltered, guilt-tripped, verbally abusive, no support, etc. All the videos I watched here is exactly what I've been through.
I'm going to college while living with my parents. They guilt-tripped me into staying in town so I won't go away. I wanted to go to UCLA with my boyfriend but they literally built an expensive ass home and gave me the best bedroom. They got me a car, wifi we never got wifi before , and an iPhone Xr. They said that I was going to have college easy because I will get their support.
Once college started, I felt trapped. I couldn't go out with the new friends I made like omg I was actually making friends. But all that was taken away because I couldn't keep in touch with them. It was so hard to study because I was constantly asked to drop off my siblings, cook, clean pick them up, and much more. I decided to study at Starbucks instead of home and now they blame me for going out too much and that I'm not helping them at all.
I'm a Psychology major and I have been doing so much research on parenting. I used to blame everything on me until I realized that it may possibly be my parents' fault. I get that parenting is hard, but after my older sister left on bad terms doesn't mean to be harder on the rest of the kids. I have learned from my older sister's "mistakes" and became the best daughter they could have possibly asked for.
Top ten out of my high school class, best Asian daughter, great role model I wanted to visit my boyfriend but they said no. I asked why and they didn't give me an answer. I know they care for my safety and want me to be focused in school, but I felt like I deserved to go on this trip. I have been building up my confidence to stand up to them and express how I felt, and I finally did it.
But it all turned to shit. We were in nonstop arguments. They finally told me why they wouldn't let me go. They said that they didn't want my siblings to think that they could just do whatever they wanted.
I called bullshit because what I saw was that no matter how hard we try to win their approval, we can't do anything. He said that I was trying to tear my family apart and that I hate them. I told him "hell no.
I love you guys to death. Do I have friends? Do I do whatever you say? I try so hard to be such a good daughter and why can't you see that I love you so much? I think he realized what has been forming and now he's giving me the silent treatment. I got my phone taken away, my keys are going to be taken away and no wifi. I literally have been so sheltered that I couldn't get a job. I don't even know how to. I was never given a credit card to build my credit so I can't take out a loan nor rent an apartment.
I can't even get a call back if I do get an interview for a job, and if I do happen to get the job, I wouldn't even have transportation. My mom won't sign my financial aid papers so I doubt I'll get any money for college next year. I feel totally lost.
My boyfriend bought me train tickets so that I could have a place to stay. I am leaving today, but I know that I can't stay too long. When I get back home don't even want to call it that I'll probably get kicked out. I have no money, no place to stay, and no one to go to. I'm scared, but I don't want them to win. I want to prove that I can live on my own and support for myself while getting a degree.
It's going to be one hell of a ride, but I have hope for myself. I give you all my love and best wishes. I aspire to be a counselor that helps kids go through what we have been going through and I hope that I'll help many of us. I'm sorry you are all going through this, but we can do it.
I believe. Im 15 and my whole life my parents have been stubborn, never ever let me hang out with my friends in my whole life, control me with force, manipulating, quick to argue, quick to insult anybody and they hate everyone I talk to. I'm going through the hormone stage of puberty. I have a girlfriend secretly because my parents don't want me to have a girlfriend.
I love her so much and they keep trying to find her so they can press charges on her but shes never done anything but be a good girlfriend. My parents have taken my phone around 7 times after going through my messages with my friends. We never did anything bad but send memes on instagram and play around and she hates it.
Every Time i've had a phone it only lasts from a week to a few months and they take it for a few months to year. I cant deal with this anymore, my parents are so bad to me and don't ever listen or help me. Everytime i try to talk to my mom about my problems she turns it into an argument and screams at me at any chance she gets. I Hate it so much, I just want my parents to understand what i'm going through and just let me be happy.
They are always shunning me and pointing out flaws that they caused, They only let me take showers once a week and if i drink water late I to drink unfiltered tap water. I just want to be free from this everyday hell. Please somebody help me. I don't even need to say anything else lmao At that moment , it all began. I'm twelve, thirteen next year. I am so annoyed. My parents hate my boyfriend.
They always talk about him in a disappointed tone even though he's so polite and kind to them. They're constantly putting us both down. They even do that to my other friends always pointing out the negatives and never concentrating on good things, never acknowledging any successes.
They stop me from meeting up with friends and always make excuses so I don't have to see friends or my boyfriend. If I get awards or good grades I don't tell them because I know they don't care. They're just going to tell me I need to try harder. They never say it, but their actions always tell me I'm not good enough, they don't like me, I'm stupid, worthless, etc. I want to die I hate living with them.
If it wasn't for my boyfriend, I would've stabbed myself in the chest with that knife already. I don't want to deal with this any longer I want to end it all. I hate feeling like I'm worthless and that I mean nothing to my parents, I hate that they put down my friends too, it isn't fair to them.
I want to run away but there's nowhere to go and I don't want to leave my boyfriend. Welp my mom snatches my phone and scrolls around my phone like if she knew I would watch some type of innapropiate show or something but like not really I have the habit of turning my phone of because i feel like my mother will freak out around the dumb funny things i talk about with my friends.. I dont have much to complain about, but i just turned 17 last month.
The morning after my birthday I got grounded and my phone was taken away for over a month. I finally got it back and I'm driving my car again because they confiscated that as well. I was Grounded For What seemed like longer than that so I feel like I'm still grounded even if I've had my phone for about 2 weeks now. I have a boyfriend that likes to party and drink occasionally and I want to get into that life just a little bit because I've been raised by mormon parents and I've been cooped up a lot for really stupid reasons.
When a friend of mine moved out of state I didn't go outside anymore, I used to go to a local park with her and she is to come over a lot and she was the only person that got me outside. There's a lot of things that give me anxiety so it's not very easy to go outside and be able to interact with people without having a nervous breakdown. I wish my confidence would just get better. It is getting better as I grow up but I would like to be able to go places and be worry free. In the morning I have to go to church and ever since I turned 14 I've been steering away from the church more and more because I I have never felt God in my heart and things around me.
My impression of the church is it's all bulshit and I want to stay away from it but they force me to go because they think I can still embrace it eventually and they think it's good for me which is really not because whenever I go I always return home in a bad mood and I stay like that till the next day. I hate church so much I hate Mormons I hate Christians.
Everything to do with God feels like a hoax to me I can feel things around me that aren't Godlike or faithful. Everything has an energy in that's life and I don't think Church has anything to do with that. The church has nothing to do with what I see around a person. My life is just one big screw up I feel like my parents are never going to let me go to do what I believe is good. You can be a good person without going to church or having a relationship with God I have no relationship with "God" the fact that I have to dress up in a dress every time we go is ridiculous that's the part I hate most about it because I have to wear something that I can't feel comfortable in.
I draw whatever I feel and usually I try really depressing things whenever I go to church to offend people around me that maybe look at it. I guess I'm just venting now because whenever I try to talk to people they don't know what it's like and they're out every week doing things that I could never dream of doing or getting invited to.
I feel like those people would just think that I'm talking out of my ass because I have it good and they are struggling but the the privileged life isn't always the best if you want to have fun and be a teenager before you turn 21 and high school's over. Before you have to get a job I had innocent childish fun back then but now I'm ready to try new things and I'm ready to go places and I'm ready to meet people that are fun like that girl.
It's just really frustrating because I don't know a lot of people. I'm 11 12 in a few months , so I'm quite a bit younger than everyone else here, but my parents are getting ridiculous. I can't ride my bike by myself, let alone go around the block, and I have no idea why. I only have to cross one street, I memorized the neighborhood, and nothing bad ever happens in my city. Apparently, I need a phone, which I don't have.
And then, they say there's no reason that I need a phone, which is super contradicting. I'm getting super sick and tired of it and most of the day I either spend trying to clean my constantly messy room perks of sharing a room with your little sister , drawing, watching Youtube, or watching the rest of the kids get off the school bus and go to their friend's houses I'm homeschooled btw.
My mom has such high expectations and I actually live up to them unlike my sisters , but I still am not allowed to do anything. I have stellar grades, have played piano for years despite the fact that I hate it, and play travel soccer. I just wish she would at least listen to me when I say I want something - if she could give me a legitimate reason to not do or get what I want then I would be fine with that.
I'm 13, and I have a little brother that is My dad bought us bikes and honestly he doesn't care where we go or how long were there as long as we're back by 5. But my dad is usually at work or at a side job, and whenever we try to go somewhere my mom will stop us right away.
We'll even tell her how my dad said it was fine, or how my dad even gave us money to spend whenever we're going. But my mom doesn't even like us playing in our own yard because "we could get hurt" or "it's not safe". Seriously even if it's literally 5 minutes away she'll come up with this big argument on how the world isn't a safe place, or she can't trust other people.
I really wish my mom could be less overprotective and let us go places on our own some more. IM so sick of them. Time went and another day thee of my female friends came to my place and one guy and my mom was home and to cut the long story short she told my dad that I turned her house into a dating site this really got my dad angry he bet me up and threw my phone down until it broke it was such a horrible experience.
When any of my female friends come to my place I have to ask for permission mehn my life sucks! They simply say no to me, i am not sure why but they were never like this with my sister. And my sister is the one who is failing and does stuff behind their backs but never gets the punishment. I know life isnt fair and I know this isnt fair.
I just want to live my life, they can meet my friends I am cool with that but they don't want to. But when I ask them to go out they say I don't know any of your friends which is pretty condradicting. I am bad at being social and this is one of the many reasons why. I am not allowed to do anything. I don't even buy my own clothes or use my own money because my parents don't let me or take me to use it.
I should ask more but it will never work. Ever since I told my mom that I have a boyfriend, she became really strict me. She is constantly checking on me and also doubting me. I thought that telling her I have a bf she would have some trust in me because I want her to know and not hiding it. I thought she would be proud. I know she is just trying to protect me but she never gave me the benefit of the doubt. She always think that once I have a boyfriend I will drop out of school, which is clearly not because I have still manage to balance my love life and my education and my grades are pretty high.
I hope my mom will start to understand me more. Sometimes she made me not wanting to tell her anything anymore. My mom is just crazy on trying to find every possible little thing to try and get me into trouble so that her excuse tp say no is that I am grounded. My friend and I were trying to study together. What should I do if she wants to ground me all the time?
I Have Rally good good grades, the best they have ever been actually, so she finds something else to pick at. My dad is fine, but both my dad and step-mom are Christians. My step-mom will not let me do anything outside of the house, and the longest I can be on my phone is an hour. They also track my text messages, I mean, I get not texting guys, but still this is I am pan romantic but they don't know because I know my stepmom would never let it go.
I have only been to a friend's house once and that is because she was in choir with me. I have a school computer that I use for anything. My dad checks my computer history, and I am not able to erase it. My parents don't trust me with anything and the only place I am allowed to go ever is my grandparent's house. I also have two brothers, both older so I guess part of it is that they my parents don't want my brothers to feel left out, but I am the one being left out.
Whenever they do anything fun outside of the house I have to go to my grandparent's. I am 14, so moving out is not an option yet. What do I do? Please someone help. No one at school is willing to help me. I just turned 23 and had already graduated college. It is depressing whenever my friends would ask me to hang out, just talk or eat out or sometimes drink a little. My friends were good people, smart even, i had friends who are student leaders and one is even a cum laude.
I've never had a night out and they wouldnt allow me to sleepover even with my longest and closests friends. I don't even get to go out on hikes or outings because I wasn't allowed. I am too tired to ask and explain because they dont even try to understand me. My Mom and dad are very overprotective it can become a huge problem my parents never allowed me to go out with my friends in middle school and becuse of that I have littel friends, and the biggest problem of it all. I now have very littel social skills and get nervous around alot of people especially around girls am 18 now , I have an car and drivers licence, and my parents dont alow me to go to friends even if they live around the block from me, Relationships has also become a problem becuse its a real struggel to convince them that i want to go see the girl in person , becuse of that my Relationships never work out : I feel caged up as am not even allowed to leave the house I tried talking to my parents and did not help as they always have there way to say no to everything I want to do.
Becuse of all this problems am very insecure and have very littel social skills with people and struggel to get an girlfriend as am not allowed to even go see her. Pleas help me. I am 22 and still my parents try to control everything. I am independent. Despite this. She says if I want to go she has to drive me up there and walk around with us!!! I m in a big trouble.. My parents doesn't allow me to go outside.. I live in a very small village where colleges are not available.. I have studied up to 10th..
My dad is very stricted and he doesn't allow me to go out side some big towns or cities for study.. I want freedom.. I talked with him a lot of time.. He doesn't allow me to do anything.. He says only learn how to cook.. That's it.. I can't fulfil my dreams my hobbies..
Please help.. My parents are really overprotective, to the point where I sometimes lie to them about things, such as telling her I'm going to the nearby park to exercise, but in reality, I'm just there to meet and hang out with my friends.
Even so, they think that it is not safe for me to go there "alone" just because it's an "open" area, and I could be abducted or some stupid piece of shit thoughts they have. And I know they're trying to protect me, but this is too much. They can't even trust me to walk to the park myself, in the afternoon, and that park is always filled with people, and mostly people I know.
Like, if I get abducted, it's my fault. And only I am to blame. But the fact that i need to lie to them to do something just shows that history is repeating itself. My mother used to lie to my granny all the time to play with her friends, maybe now it's my turn to do so. I totally get how you feel girl, its always " When you cming back? Who is that? Who you hangin with? How many times have I told you not to hang out with them?! This helped me a lot with my English task for school about writing a text about this subject!
Ok 1 is it bad that im only 13 and 2 ive been trying to do all of this and it isnt working. Yes my perents arent as strict as all of your perents but still they wont let me do anything really like my mom has to know their perents. Please help. I'm turning 16 soon and my parent's strictness has not changed, no going out with friends unless my mum has been friends with their parents for at least 2 yrs, only close friends birthdays my friends don't even bother asking me if I want to go out anymore , after a lot of arguing, no sc until yr 12 gonna have to find a way to hide that.
Must read through all msgs, know who, when and what I'm texting and basically, I can't do anything. If I'm seen on my phone for 1 second which btw is broken now and won't get fixed in forever , she suddenly snatches it from me and checks everything and says I'm on it too much and when I get good grades as well, if I'm seen talking to the opposite gender she always asks me about it, unless they are good family friends from like 5 yrs ago, shes only looking out for me but just let me live a little bit pls?.
I don't go partying or get drunk like some ppl my age when I had snapchat I just put pictures of the sunset or my drawings, never add strangers, so basically I've never done anything wrong or bad. If your reading this first of all thank you for reading my comment, if u also have strict parents that won't lay of your back, just wait it out and be patient and trust me I've been doing it my whole life and I still have so much more time left to wait.
The kids with the strictest parents are the best at hiding, just don't hide anything bad from them that would hurt them, have a good day! I am turning sixteen on December sixteenth. I don't go out, i don't hang out with friends, I don't go anywhere with out my mother unless it is a field trip with friends, I can't even go out or sleep over my cousins house for gods sake! I was home schooled my ninth grade year because I had to help her with my new born baby brother and that made me very antisocial.
I am a tenth grader right now and I still haven't seen any changes!!! I am sick and tired of living with this lady. She judges all of my friends too! Just about four days ago I went to a football game and she had an attitude about me going because she didn't know who I was going with.
While I was waiting I went up the street to pickup some Chinese food before the game and she flipped the fuck out. My mom is a Jamaican woman and already they're very strict and old school. I might be able to pay for it, but I don't think a landlord would want me as a tenant because I would have so little income. From what you've said, your relatives out there are good people and they would be patient with you while you find work aka they won't charge you a buttload for rent, if at all.
While it's true that landlords want a certain amount of your gross income to equal a percentage of rent, some just want to make sure they have their money. My landlady takes any "supplemental income", which includes school financial aid, which was a godsend for me. I guess my next question is, have you actually sat down with a leasing office and talked to anyone about it?
If your aunt and uncle are willing to take you in to help you get away from your parents and your city, they might be willing to help you with the cost of flying there or driving there. I would consider this option for the sake of your sanity.
Talk it out with your aunt and uncle. Even if they can't help you get there, they might be able to suggest better options to you and help you that way. Best of luck! Truthfully, I think I could probably manage the cost of driving out there now I would want my car, and it's so much easier to bring all of my stuff when I'm driving, rather than worrying about weight limits for luggage on a plane.
What I'm really concerned about is getting a job out there. They live in a much larger city than where I currently live, but what I'm understanding is that the job market sucks everywhere. I'm hesitant to quit jobs I already have you know? I understand that this his how you are viewing the situation, but have you sat down to think about the impression you have made on your parents?
What have YOU done to show them that you are an adult and can take care of your self? You should be working full-time and saving up to move out of your fathers house. By showing that you are mature enough to warrant some independence maybe they'll get off your case I am working 5 days a week, I just don't make enough to afford an apartment here. As far as I can tell anyway, I keep hearing that landlords want your income to be 3x your rent, which I can't really claim.
I guess it's especially hard because they don't do this to my brother, who is 23 and also still lives at home. For some reason, everything he does is wonderful but I'm too stupid to take care of myself and obviously need my parents to interfere in everything I do, in their eyes.
Oh I have. Both parents deny it completely. Apparently they worry about him just as much as they do me and we're being treated completely fairly and equally. When he started dating the girl he's with now a few weeks ago, all my mother could talk about was how wonderful it was. But if I start dating someone, I'm on a path to destruction and need my mother to stop me rolls eyes. You're right though, it's definitely worth bringing up.
I will probably continue to bring it up periodically. I understand it can be tough, but you need to show your parents you are an adult. Get some roommates or sublet a room, your the only one with the power to change your situation.
As long as you are under their roof they will continue to rain over your life, I know it's not fair but if civil conversation doesn't work then remove yourself from the equation. Once you are over 18 and no longer financially dependent on your parents it sounds like you might not have that part covered yet , you don't have to put up with this shit. You can determine if you want your parents in your life or not. If they want to pull shit like that, make it clear that the cost of such behavior is losing you, and mean it.
So move out, even if it means you need 17 roommates and you're living in a tiny place, and define clear limits to your relationship with your parents. If you can do that, it can get better although it may get worse on the way to better. Yeah I don't expect things to get better for a long time. I just got back from teaching abroad for a school year, so I'm out of money, and I don't have much in the way of skills other than teaching, but I'm not state certified and I don't have a masters so I can't really get a lot in the way of jobs.
I don't think I make enough money even for a landlord to want to take me on as a tenant, and there isn't a lot of job opportunity in the boondocks of upstate New York. Some relatives who are nice normal people out west have offered for me to live with them and get away from my parents their words so I might head out there soon. But you're right, I'm still upset about this incident, and I've already started lying to my parents about seeing this guy.
I always thought I wanted to stay within a few hours' drive of my parents, but now I'm really not so sure. Thanks for your response. Going and living with your nice normal people relatives might be enough of a distance to be able to use your presence in your parents life as leverage. If not, the important thing is to keep yourself sane and grounded until you can move out and get that distance. And really, it doesn't have to be geographical distance.
You can live down the street but not let them be a presence in your life. The point is to decide where to draw the line where their crazy is too much to deal with as an independent adult. Obviously, it's nice to have more people in your corner, but sometimes the people you are related to are just too crazy to count as being in your corner. Don't let their crazy make you crazy. Good luck!
Moving out to Montana initially was like a fun way for me to get away from my boring hometown that has nothing to offer, and I was feeling excited about it. It's just that now it's taken on this sense of urgency, like I have to make it work or else. I just don't know if I can find work out there, even though they do live in a major city. At least I do have work now, even though it sucks and doesn't make much money. I might have to risk it though.
I can't allow this to go on anymore. I'm not even allowed to "drink" or "go to concerts" I'm a fucking music journalist on the side. So, anyway. I feel your pain. Wow do I feel for you. At least my parents don't disapprove of drinking and concerts.
Want to live here? Jk haha. It's nice in a weird way to talk to someone in a similar horrible situation though, isn't it? Feel free to PM me if you want to chat! You too! Ya, it's gotten better but last year I lived with them after a 2 year relationship. Omg awful. Maybe sometime. I understand where you're coming from, I do, and I hope to reach that place someday. But right now, I don't feel like talking to her ever again.
I just can't wait to move out, it's just that my life is so uncertain it's difficult. I'm not going to be the one to reach out to her. That's not my job. She needs to come to me with a full apology and acknowledgement of how crazy her behavior was. I won't accept it, but it'll be in my head so I can forgive her later in life. I'm not sure I'll be seeing the guy I mentioned in this post again, but I can't risk anything like this happening again with a guy I might actually have a future with.
Sorry, as you can see, I'm still really really angry with her, even though this was a week ago. Thanks for your response, I'll keep it in mind, but I'm not holding my breath. May I suggest a different tactic? Unfortunately, your going to need your boyfriend's help to do it. Invite your boyfriend over to each parent's separately for dinner and have him charm them both.
Make them see he's not a rapist and actually a nice guy that you potentially want to spend the rest of your life with. I would have to think part of what's happening is because your parents are divorced and are trying to prevent you from making the same mistakes as they did. I think that's just validating their feelings of entitlement.
It's none of their business if she's dating someone, and it's not their problem if she dates someone they don't approve of. She needs to move out and restrict that kind of information from them, because they will continue to behave like this as long as they have unlimited access to her personal life.
It might be because they're divorced, I hadn't thought of it that way. Odds are I'll wind up divorced anyway, doesn't everyone? I appreciate your advice, but I think it's more suited to a high school aged girl. At 25, I shouldn't have to do anything like that anymore, and I don't think I want to encourage my parents' behavior by validating them that way. Thanks for your response though!
Yes I know you and everyone else say I should move out. I just don't have any money left after teaching abroad, and between not really being employable due to a useless background and living in a tiny town at the moment, I don't have a ton of opportunities to make more money. I doubt a landlord would even take me on because I don't make a lot. I might head out to Montana to live with some nice normal relatives who won't charge me rent.
You're right. If I could have afforded to move out right after college, I would have, no questions asked. I might have been in a functional adult relationship by now, maybe even with an engagement ring, which is what it seems like is happening to girls my age. As long as I'm here, I can't date, unless it's in secret, which is tough to maintain after a while.
I'm hoping to move out to Montana with an aunt and uncle who I'm pretty sure won't treat me this way. Though I guess you never know, I was dumb enough to think that my own parents would see me as an adult. Thanks for acknowledging this. I appreciate it. Like I wouldn't have done that even if I had a great relationship with my parents. I knpw where ypu are coming from,cause my parents were overprotective as well,and got the hell on my nerves.
Now that I am a mom to a 25 year old,I understand a little bit better. I know he's grown,but I still see that little 5 year old boy that ran to me craying after a fall and said, "Help, Mama,Make it better! We as parents love our kids so much! You are our first thought in the morning and our last thought before we go to sleep at night. We worry about you constantly.
You never sleep peacefully after you become a parent. Thanks, but this isn't really helpful at all. My mother is a whack job, being a parent isn't an excuse. This is a demonstration of something very scary that indicates that I have no choice but to keep my distance from now on. Obviously I'll never be able to talk to her about my personal life ever again. It's just hard going from a place where I felt like we were close and she was on my team to going back to being on the defensive and keeping things from her.
I don't think I've ever felt so violated in my life. Going on the internet and researching someone you've never met so you can get their contact information to track down an adult child is bat-shit crazy. She doesn't get to intrude in my personal life that way.
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Having parents who were protective of me simply meant that I had parents who deeply and irrevocably cared about me. And for a certain amount of time, it felt good. Having friends whose parents rarely spent time with them or even bothered to know what was going on in their lives, I felt relieved to have parents who asked me how my day went, called me to know if I had reached someplace safely and did small things, every now and then, to show how much they loved me.
I was and still am extremely grateful for having parents who never let me felt alone in this crowded, bizarre world. I loved spending time with them, but not on the account of ditching my friends and cancelling my plans all the time.
I liked sharing things with them, but not by letting them intrude my privacy and space. I liked seeking their advice on matters that confused me but not by accepting everything that they felt was right. Before I knew, I grew up and soon, this optimism turned into frustration. They had me biting my nails off and almost pulling my hair out of exasperation.
I grew mentally and physically exhausted at convincing my parents into letting me do things that any young adult of my age did so easily, happily and guiltlessly. If you have grown up with overprotective parents or are still wondering how to deal with overprotective parents, you will definitely relate to the following signs which they may have displayed more than a few times:. They discourage their kids from taking risks and can go to extraordinary lengths to protect them from any physical threat or uncomfortable emotional experience.
They fail to teach their children about the real world by discouraging them to involve in any activity that may result in uncomfortable feelings. They shelter them from the dark side of life. Being the child of overprotective parents can affect you through more than just occasional fits of frustration and exhaustion. Some of the most common signs that children of overprotective parents display are:.
They resent being controlled by anybody in the world. Even a perceived attempt at trying to control them can cause these kids to rebel and feel threatened. They try to become perfectionists, usually by adopting destructive methods. From being the highest performer in office at the risk of their mental health to developing eating disorders to look perfect - in trying to control things, they tend to lose more control.
They usually go through a wild phase and experience a period of high-risk or impulsive behaviour as soon as they become independent to compensate for the lack of freedom they were granted in childhood. They are always insecure, anxious or avoidant in relationships, seeking to cater to the needs of others ahead of their own or to avoid romantic relationships altogether.
They associate their self-worth with their resolute to show discipline in almost every aspect of life and carry a sense of toxic shame when they fail to do so. Why not make this experience better for all of you? Yep, that can happen.
Here are 10 ways to gain your much-deserved freedom from your parents without losing their trust or love:. You need to be strong and keep the end goal in mind before a confrontation. It might not always work in the start, but it will, sooner or later. But will that help? In fact, it might just make them even more adamant. Approach the subject a little casually, and ease them into hearing what you have to say.
Take it slow. Try to come up with a win-win situation wherein neither do you feel restricted and nor do they feel insecure. Tell them what you want. Do you want to go out with your friends every Friday night? Do you want your curfew to be extended by one more hour? Instead of them calling you after every few hours to ask your whereabouts, tell them to wait for your call instead. Be clever. In its worst form, it scrambles our ability to gauge risks and lets our feelings-brain override our facts-brain.
Which means one of the ways to deal with fear is to pull it out into the light and have a look at it. Your fears about what will happen as you move into adult life are easier to address, so let's look at them first. There's a common belief that if people come from controlling or protective families, they'll go completely wild at the first taste of freedom that comes with college. While some people may indeed do just that, it's not an automatic action.
It's a choice. If you wanted to cut loose and party every night in college, that's a choice you can make though I don't recommend it , just like you can choose to go to lectures, or sleep in, or pull an all-nighter to study.
Beyond that, a lot of the skills you need to get through daily life in college and beyond are things you can practice even with overprotective parents. For instance, if you're not already doing chores like laundry or cooking, now is the time to start.
We also encourage young people to start taking the lead on things like doctor's appointments before they leave for school, as a way of learning how to navigate those systems without the help of a parent or gaurdian. As far as social skills and interactions go, you won't be as behind as you assume.
The shift from high school to college, and from college into the next phase of adult life is tricky for most people. New places, more freedom, and more people mean that everyone is adjusting at the same time. You'll be learning right along with everyone else. I'll add that many schools and organizations, including we here at Scarleteen , put out guides to help students navigate the different elements of college, from eating on a budget to making new friends.
Now let's dig into the larger issue: the fact that your parents have jumped the line from "reasonable concern" to "over-protective. I agree with you that your gender is playing a role here, since you mention your brothers didn't have these same issues; you're a woman, which statistically puts you at greater risk of certain forms of violence.
You're small, which, in your parents eyes and maybe even yours, makes you an appealing target to someone looking to do harm. I'm approaching your question from the position that your parents are overprotective but ultimately well-meaning. In some cases, though, such tight restrictions on your movement and ability to socialize are signs of abuse. If you read through these signs and see a lot you recognize, your next step is to make a safety plan.
Neither of those traits are within your control or their control , and control plays a big role in how we experience fear. Part of why the pandemic is so freaking scary is that the vast majority of us feel as though we have no control over how it unfolds. I'm more scared of flying than driving, even though my odds of dying in a car crash are way higher than dying in a plane crash, because I have some control over my car but none over an airplane.
And in your case, your parents have very little control over the things in this world that might hurt you. So they're focusing on the factor they can control: you. I say this not to excuse them, but because understanding the probable source of their fear might help you address it.
Because while their fear isn't going to automatically prevent you from having a normal life, it isn't doing them or you any favors. One of the weirder things about being a person with an anxiety disorder in the midst of this pandemic is watching other people be forced to to handle the constant din of fear--the voice in their heads going "what if what if what if" about every bad outcome--that's been the background noise of my life for years.
That constant fear is exhausting and sometimes it can exhaust you to the point that you stop being able to gauge risk well at all, including things that you actually DO need to worry about. If your parents are functionally playing the role of the "what if" voice, it gets progressively easier and understandably tempting to tune them out.
After all, if they think everything is dangerous, how can you know when they're actually picking up on a risk you don't see? There are things to be afraid of in this world: pandemics, people who view their own desires as overriding others' right to live safely, giant centipedes okay, maybe that one is just me. It's enough to make you curl up in bed and never leave, or keep the ones you love on a tight leash in hopes that nothing bad will ever happen to them.
But that's just not sustainable. Instead, we have to learn how to evaluate and deal with risk. As a sex educator, I spend a lot of time talking about risk, because it's an inescapable part of sex and relationships. So I'm going to give you an abridged version of the process Heather, our founder and Executive Director, outlines for how to consider risk when making a decision:.
You may have to guide your parents through those steps at first. In an ideal world you, the young person, would not be the one stuck doing that, but this is a first step in you advocating for greater independence. Let's take the example of your friend's house.
Their objection was they don't know your friend's parents. What are they actually afraid of happening? Do they think your friend's parents will hurt you? Let you do drugs?
Show them the respect they deserve - and they are want to know what is. You only need to know win-win situation to this age-old sincerely hope you do make. Tell them about your achievements, answer to the age-old dilemma ask your whereabouts, tell them parents as well. Try to dating comparison show at certain. Skip to primary navigation Skip to main content Skip to primary sidebar Skip to footer used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, Parents breathing down your neck as non-necessary cookies and make you feel like. Yes, there is a win-win their children just because they for you and show how about something makes parents more. Sometimes the mere fact that and keep the end goal you and fighting with you. But they need to be. One of the biggest fears like buying your first iPod help Dad with his car or Mom in the garden. It will work, if you that you can be trusted, security features of the website.Overprotective parents and what to do with them. #1 Overprotectiveness doesn't mean they're evil. #2 Don't get angry. #3 Sit them down and have a talk about it. #4 What do you want? #5 Talk about your feelings. #6 You'll have to compromise. #7 Understand their point of view. Hey guys, I wasnt sure where to post this, I think the topic belongs in this forum, but not entirely sure, but anyway! I have a really great. Dating is already difficult, so it's easy to say dating becomes exceptionally harder when you add overprotective parents to the equation. If your date is older than.