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Back in the day, dating used to be far less confusing. End of story. These days we have a world of choice, a million ways to meet people, different ideas and thought processes. Finding someone with the same way of thinking as you can be borderline impossible! The list goes on! You see, two people like each other. You would think so. But, it all comes down to what a person views as a relationship as, whether they have any underlying fears related to the R word, and what they want in the future.
Again, it all gets rather confusing! Relationship: 14 signs to know your real status ]. This varies from person to person. There may not even be a commitment to be together forever. In general, it is two people sharing time, thoughts, feelings, and stories. Relationships can be serious, e. The one thing which defines them is whether they are monogamous or not. The reason that some people are dating exclusively but not in a relationship per se is because one of them has a true fear of commitment.
The R word basically means me and them. Which means a union, being seen as a couple, and not having the same level of independence as before. How to move from dating exclusively but not in a relationship, to relationship territory. The problem comes when one person wishes for more, and not getting it out of fear of rocking the boat.
It makes them feel less trapped. There is also the very large chance that you will get everything you dreamed of. Choose your timing carefully for when to have this conversation. This needs to be casual and without pressure, but get the answers you seek. This came about because I was equally tired of both the anxiety of looking for something serious and the dissatisfaction with hookup culture.
What I really wanted was something in-between; I wanted the Goldilocks set-up of being exclusive, but not in an official relationship. Ultimately, our super casual relationship did evolve, and we made things official, but I truly believe part of the reason our relationship has gone the distance was that it started off with the intent to keep it casually exclusive. It allowed us to get increasingly emotionally intimate, without the pressure and expectation that naturally comes with the girlfriend title.
In my case, I was the one with the control over how official things were, but for my partner, who always wanted more, I am sure there were times my resistance to going all in on the relationship was confusing and maybe even a little scary. Had they asked me at the time, I am not sure I could have even articulated what made me so resistant to rushing in, despite really liking them.
Now, I know it simply came down to fear of moving too quickly. As it turns out, that fear is not uncommon. Plenty of folks have found themselves in the same situation, so I reached out to relationship expert and bestselling author Susan Winter to help explain why the person you're dating might want exclusivity without an official relationship, what it really means about how they feel about you, and what you should do if you want more from them.