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I mean, I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend and God. Well, his Christian God a God I don't believe in. It started out as one of those close friendships that blossomed into something deeper over a three-year period don't they say those are the best kinds? Or, as he likes to say, "I am my faith. You can't love me and not love my faith. I grew up in a household where religion was non-existent.
Dad is a staunch atheist, mom a wayward Hindu she eats Big Macs and never prays. There was a short period when I was around eight or nine when I was convinced I would "be doomed to hell" if I did anything bad, like, for example, putting Jell-O in my brother's bed even if he did deserve it.
I don't even know when I first came across the notion of a god or hell, probably from evangelicals on daytime television. I eventually outgrew that fear since I felt that putting solidified fructose in my brother's blanket was too good to pass up, and it didn't have any immediate repercussions. When I was in high school -- a moderate episcopalian school which I ended up in by chance -- I skipped the weekly chapel most Wednesdays without paying penance.
I spent those mornings happily hanging out at the local doughnut shop instead of listening to an hour of sermons before algebra. My past boyfriends have been atheists or, like me, vaguely spiritual, but without subscribing to any organized religion. I like to believe there's something out there, some mysterious universal power, but it's not anything I try to define or pretend to understand. In fact, I embrace the enigma of it all and, as my best friend -- a self-described Buddhist -- likes to say, "all we know is that we just don't know.
For some, though, that's not enough. My Christian boyfriend jokingly calls me an imp -- and I call him a fruitcake. I know that's not very nice, but it's my way of venting my frustration. He thinks marriage is the union between a man and a woman and God and I think it's an archaic institution that conveniently provides a legal framework should the unfortunate circumstances of divorce occur and there's children and teakwood furniture to fight over.
It's also a great excuse to throw a fancy party with all the people you love. He thinks pre-marital sex is unholy, and I don't think I can marry someone without having a trial run. He has conversations with God every day, all day long so he says , and I scroll through my Twitter feed and re-tweet tweets from "Shit Girls Say" and Mindy Kaling.
When I first told my friends I was dating an actual Christian, they were all uppity about it: "Well, you have to respect someone's religious views. At first, it was a refreshing -- almost romantic! But slowly, a feeling of insecurity started creeping over me:. I know this all sounds rather hopeless, but the thing is, I love him.
We can talk for hours about anything. He is funny and kind. He speaks better French than I do and lets me win at Scrabble. He is a great kisser, a great conversationalist -- he even writes me poems. He watched Twilight with me sans complaint and gets what I see in Edward. He is communicative and sensitive ladies, isn't this what we want? He would be a loving, patient father and says he will work hard for the rest of his life so that I can live like a princess.
Some days, when we ignore the elephant in the room, I think, wow, this is it. But then, somehow, his Christianity will snake back into our relationship, resulting in heated, teary discussions about how we'd raise children. He wants to take them to church every Sunday to "help them understand the love of God. You know it makes me uncomfortable. You would be such a powerful Christian woman I wish you would read Dawkins! All of us. I can't help it. I do feel, in general, we are -- and are entitled to be -- harsher on our partner's views than with someone who isn't going to raise children with us, i.
Both say that's not going to happen. The issue of the afterlife comes up again and again with these sorts of relationships - mothers who don't think their agnostic children will be in heaven with them, and for one wife, the belief that her place in hell is now decided by her husband's rejection of God. Tauseef is that husband - though his name has been changed because his Muslim partner doesn't know he is being interviewed.
Tauseef grew up Muslim but, by the time he was 15, had become an atheist. He still ended up marrying a Muslim - but he says she was less practising when they met. The couple are both British Pakistanis and he hoped their similar cultural backgrounds would be a good thing. That religion would come second to this - and to love. Tauseef agreed to make some changes - to not drink when he was with his wife and to accept she would be in charge of the religious education of their children. But she grew more religious and he didn't - despite trying.
He now finds himself pretending to be a believing Muslim to appease her. I'm more inclined towards convincing my wife I'm Muslim enough for her to be with me. Tauseef is willing to lie, to bring up his son as Muslim despite not agreeing with the religion or the lifestyle he says it dictates, and also to live a double life if he gets to keep his wife.
He recently got caught out by drunken photos on Facebook after telling her he could never touch alcohol again. He ended up sleeping in a different bedroom, with his bags packed but says he won't give up because of their son. Even when both people in a relationship are in love with each other, there are other challenges to deal with, especially if you're gay and religious, but your partner isn't. That's the situation for agnostic Glyn who lives with his husband David in east London.
David is an Orthodox Jew and while accepting that his gay relationship doesn't sit entirely with what some would consider orthodoxy, he lives largely by the rules of his religion. On a basic level Glyn is responsible for keeping their kitchen kosher, dividing the small room into meat and dairy and keeping some of his favourite food well out of it. It certainly can't come into the kitchen or go in the oven that's for sure.
David observes the Sabbath - he won't travel on a Saturday or use electricity and so the couple can't socialise on that day. Glyn admits that some of the adjustments have been a little awkward, others a little strange, especially as he doesn't believe in them. The ultimate part of it was me coming home from work one day and finding practically most of the kitchen had been covered in tin foil to avoid contamination - which I think I took fairly well. I have had to make bigger changes but David's faith is very important to him.
Glyn doesn't rule out ever changing his faith, but David has never asked him to. He says he prays for Glyn but doesn't concern himself too much with others people's faith.
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