Specifically, dating Japanese people in Japan. Kayo wrote her piece from the perspective of an outgoing, independent, and overall badass Japanese lady. Be sure to check it out here. As for my piece, well, I did my best to convey what navigating the Japanese dating scene is like for your average white dude. As a something, not particularly outgoing, average-looking white male, the most effective way for me to meet people has been dating apps.
There have also been a few people I met organically in real life, but they were few and far between. Not being Japanese, the first thing you should know is who we are limits our options. Japan is an insular society with a heavy cultural emphasis on conformity. Then there is language.
Japanese language is extremely high context, and the level of mastery you need for a healthy, fulfilling relationship goes far beyond what you need with friends or for business. Just that it tends to require a lot more empathy and patience than dating someone from the same culture.
It really depends on the person, but there are a few things that I now make sure to look out for at the beginning of our relationship. The first is about having friends of the opposite sex. She expected me to ask permission to hang out with them, and would only give it begrudgingly. Now I know. The second is expectations about leaving Japan. In contrast, places like my home country of Switzerland are portrayed by the Japanese media as being akin to heaven on Earth.
Your average Swiss is shown as happily frolicking down mountainsides holding cute woven baskets filled with gruyere and baguettes. Naturally, people who feel exhausted with their lives in Japan figure the grass must be greener at the chalet. Usually you can tell when during the first few dates, your romantic interest asks you how long before you plan to go home, and how wonderful it must be to live abroad. Third is expectations about marriage and family. While the gap is not as wide as in other Asian countries, there is still more social pressure in Japan for women to get married and have children than there is in most Western cultures.
Standards of beauty in Japan are completely alien to me. Except perhaps being skeptical if, on your first or second date, Madame is already raving how beautiful your children would look. Within the category of Japanese women who will date foreigners, there resides a fairly sizable sub-category of women who will only date foreigners.
On the flip side, there are also plenty of foreign men who will take advantage of Japanese women to get free Japanese language lessons. Another thing is because of the way Western culture is portrayed in Japanese media, some women have an idealistic perception of Western manners.
They may even think all Western men behave like stereotypical characters from American romantic comedies: attentive and caring to the point of creepiness, as well as prone to grandiose romantic gestures. For the less romantically inclined, just be aware that the way the average Japanese person perceives you is very different from back home, and you may have to answer to those stereotypes. Some Japanese people think gaijin hunters hate Japanese men, or are an insult to Japanese culture.
Your girlfriend may get criticism for dating you instead of a Japanese boy. And finally, some ladies see foreign men as trophies. The same way some foreign men see Asian girlfriends as trophies. I mind when the type starts to matter more than the individual. In Japan, I see that quite often. So whoever you are, when dating in Japan, if you feel like your partner sees you as being completely interchangeable, it may be best to get out of that relationship. The process itself can be very different from the West—albeit not necessarily.
Every relationship is different. First, there is the meeting. As I mentioned before, I usually bypass this step by using an app. You can also potentially meet people through friends, at bars, clubs, and so on. Many Japanese people are nervous of just meeting one-on-one, so instead they meet two-on-two, or three-on-three. A group of single ladies will meet with a group of single men, and couples will be formed.
I was also surprised by how many couples are formed within companies. Japanese employment is usually for life, so the company can be a second family. When you spend most of your time with colleagues, romance will naturally ensue. Japanese dating starts with slowly getting to know each other.
Usually, there is no physical contact in the beginning—not even holding hands. Japanese couples are famously discrete, and public displays of affection are perceived as very rude. During this phase, couples tend to spend time together in fairly public places. The declaration is pretty simple: tell her how much you like her, that you would like to be boyfriend and girlfriend, and ask if she accepts.
Sadly, sometimes declarations fail. If she friendzones you, tough luck. Might as well turn it into a learning experience. Now you can delete all your dating apps together and start holding hands. So many new and wonderful experiences await. You are now fully equipped to enter the Japanese dating game. I wish you best of luck, and a mutually fulfilling relationship. What an interesting post! There are some similarities between dating in India and in Japan. But most of that information was fascinating.
I laughed at the ball park figure of your dates. Like Liked by 1 person. Does the author, or anyone else know if there has been some scientific research done about this topic? This may seem like a ridiculous question but last year I met a Japanese guy who owns a startup company and he offered me. I was supossed to start this fall, but Corona fucked everything up of course. He still said that I would be able to come work for him once all of this is over.
Therefore I have been doing some research in the last couple of months this research includes a wide range of topics like Japanese history, language, society, quality of live, etc. We promise to keep your information safe and will never post or share anything on your Facebook page. Japanese Women. Why Choose JapanCupid? Premium International Japanese Dating Started in , JapanCupid is part of the well-established Cupid Media network that operates over 30 reputable niche dating sites. Start Your Success Story on JapanCupid As a leading Japanese dating site, we successfully bring together Japanese singles from around the world to meet their ideal match.
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He mentioned that although sometimes successful, approaching a girl on the street is not recommended. So what did our Japanese women have to say to this tip? K: My good friend who wants to date foreigners goes to English cafes and exchange events at the embassy, apparently because clubs are scary. R: I agree with K. People who just want to get to know foreigners might go to safe places, such as English conversation schools and events, where foreigners are going to be.
E: I actually have a friend who is dating someone she met using a dating app, so I think apps are good and easy to use. Y: Japanese girls may be a bit more on edge if you talk one-on-one, so this is a good technique! S: Yeah, I think a lot of people meet at bars. I have a few friends who met foreign men at a bar or club , became friends and are now dating! He added that self-deprecating humour is effective, since humility and self-awareness are considered desirable traits in Japanese culture.
For example, G likes to introduce himself with a joke about his name, since it rhymes with a vegetable. This quirky opener probably also makes him more memorable! Explaining sarcasm makes for an interesting conversation topic though! R: I think if I were suddenly asked for my name by a stranger I would probably hate it, lol. Start with a question, such as asking for directions or sightseeing recommendations, and I think you might be able to get a nice girl to answer you.
K: I might be surprised if someone suddenly started talking to me, but if it were in one of the places mentioned in Tip 1, it could work. I think mixing a bit of humor in when you introduce yourself is a good icebreaker. Uh oh! On the other hand, the ladies mostly seem to agree that it depends largely on where you are.
Read the room and assess the situation before rocking up to anyone for a chat. Dress for the occasion and put a bit of work in. E: I think hygiene is more important than anything. K: I agree with this tip. I think you should wear clothes appropriate to the time, place, and occasion. Looks like G hit the nail on the head when it comes to fashion. None of the girls seem to care about how men dress as long as it's appropriate, so feel free to wear whatever gives you confidence!
Japan can get pretty hot and humid in the summer , so keep some deodorant close at hand. This means that women may not reject you outright in an attempt to avoid being too direct, as this is seen as rude. Escalate a little. E: I agree with this. Y: I agree! G once again seems to have cracked it. Due to the cultural values of conformity trying not to stand out and self-effacement putting the group before yourself , most Japanese people, especially girls, tend to be very shy.
So your bar for success is lower. Go get em, tiger. R: Yeah, I think being assertive to a certain extent will win you some affection but being overbearing is a bad move. Y: Hmm, I wonder. There are lots of shy girls. Actually, if you have too much confidence she may pull back, so moderation is very important. Like G said, confidence can be good, but three of the ladies actually felt that being too confident and coming on too strong is a big no-no!
Two girls even mentioned that modesty is very important. Alternatively, you could find that out ahead of time through conversation, and then buy her what she likes on a date. R: I think generally if a man invites you out, he pays or pays more , but it depends on the person. K: I care less about sex than about age. E: I think a girl would hesitate to accept anything too expensive, big, or serious.
Chocolates, small gifts, or some really good sweets are fine. Try things like small souvenirs or items that will give you lots to talk about! Presents are also effective in creating a good impression. No girl is going to be unhappy to receive one. Well, this is good news! Once more, restraint and moderation seem to be the name of the game.
Lavishing her with gifts might put her in an awkward position or make her feel uncomfortable. Keep it simple and sweet; your love life and your wallet will thank you. Of course communication is the key to any relationship, so speaking the same language is crucial. You can expect your relationship to have even more, due to language and cultural differences, as well as personal.
The important thing is to accept that this is normal, and strive to resolve misunderstandings peacefully. E: I think it would be good to invite her on a dinner date, with the goal of having her teach you Japanese. I think there are a lot of Japanese girls who want to learn English. Also, teaching each other your language might be a good way to get close. Y: I think this is exactly right! In learning a language, the feeling of wanting to speak to someone is important. S: I agree with G. While not all Japanese girls will make a final judgment on dating a foreigner based on their income level, some certainly will.
Image is high in Japan; look around and you will hardly see a girl not dressed to the nines. English Teaching, one of the most popular jobs for foreigners coming to Japan, nets a salary of , yen per month or 25, USD salary per year pre-tax income. Definitely not enough for a family long-term, and possibly not enough for a solid date. Suggestion: Impress your date with with one of these date spots.
Coupled with recent shitshows by certain foreigners Julien Blanc, anyone? Talking on your phone on quiet train. Going for a full on make-out in public place. It can be simplified as bad manners, cultural ignorance, and poor social skills. Suggestion: Study Japanese culture , in addition to the language. While not all of the above issues are in your control, this epic book discount code: tokyonightowl dives into the above issues and offers Japanese dating advice.
Even if Japanese girls may have a reason to not like you, taking note of the book, and the suggestions above, will ensure you can mitigate the risk. Share your comments below. Do you want to have one of the best nights of your life in one of the greatest cities on the planet? If so, pick up our Tokyo Nightlife Guide available now on amazon. Yes i am sorry sometimes it happens. I apologize for this persons thinking they are childish and do not represent japanese.
We love foreigner very much of any color please come. In reality Japanese girl are very obsessed with Americans. They forgot that they waging war with them long time ago. Your email address will not be published. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. Username or Email Address.
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