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When people began forming connections online, romantic or otherwise, the anonymity the internet allowed was terrifying. Anyone you talked to online could be a murderer, or so it seemed. Even as people got over that, a stigma lingered around online dating—that you must be desperate, or weird, to try it. Whitney Wolfe, the founder of the dating app Bumble, said she thinks some companies were promoting that message themselves, through the way they marketed. Skepticism and fear are typical reactions to technology that changes how people connect.
My colleague Derek Thompson, who interviewed Wolfe at the Washington Ideas Forum, brought up a song by Irving Berlin , warning women against dating men who own cars. Wolfe said she hoped her app could erase some of those fears for heterosexual women who are online dating; the gimmick of Bumble that separates it from Tinder, Hinge, and the scads of others is that the woman has to send the first message.
Cookie Settings. Learn why people trust wikiHow. Download Article Explore this Article parts. Tips and Warnings. Related Articles. Part 1 of Evaluate the numbers. If your fear of online dating springs from the idea that people will think less of you for using a website to meet a potential partner, remind yourself of the facts.
It is a safe and common way to meet others. Make a list of reasons you're valuable. Help build your self-worth by creating a list of things you like about yourself, or that make you worth-while. Include things you like about your life, your job, your personality, and your appearance. If you are body-conscious, try to find at least one thing you like about your appearance. Tell yourself, "I have amazing eyes," and try to focus on that feature that you like rather than what you dislike.
Remind yourself of compliments you have received in the past about your eyes and write these down. If you are not currently happy with the course of your life or your career, remind yourself that there is still good in what you do. Tell yourself, "I can pay my bills and I can find the humor in small things, and that makes my life worthwhile, just as it is.
Eventually, the positive thinking becomes inherent. Brush off rejection. The biggest fear in online dating is the biggest fear people have when dating in general: getting rejected. Remind yourself that if you do not hear back from a potential match, or if your match expresses that they are not interested in you, try not to dwell on the rejection.
Remember that rejection is a sign that you are stepping outside of your comfort zone. This could get you blocked or your account suspended, and it will not bring you any closer to having a meaningful relationship. The best way to get past rejection is to meet someone new.
Send a message to someone else and work on finding a connection elsewhere. Part 2 of Accept your fear. It's alright to have some apprehensions about online dating, just as it is with any form of dating. The challenge is not to eliminate your fear, but to acknowledge it and find ways to work through it. For each reason, write out a worst-case-scenario.
For example, you might be afraid of rejection, and the worst case may be that a match ridicules you for thinking you had a chance with them. For each negative scenario, find a way to overcome it. Let yourself know that someone who ridicules you for approaching them is not worth your time or love, and that you are better off not inviting that kind of negativity into your life. Set goals. Dating, by its very nature, can involve a lot of emotions very quickly.
To avoid becoming swept up in something emotional but not right for you, set goals from the beginning. Decide if you are looking for a serious or casual relationship, and whether you want monogamy or would like to date around. If you meet a great person who wants a serious relationship while you are looking for something casual, don't assume you can change them.
Stick to your goals and move on. Avoid making your goals too rigid. Use them as a guideline for what you want overall, but try to avoid goals like, "I would like to be married within two years. Take care of yourself. You are more likely to feel good about getting involved with someone else when you feel good about your relationship with yourself.
Practice daily self-care, which can include anything from exercise to time to meditate. This may include daily exercise, cooking healthy or satisfying meals, seeing friends or family, or anything else that makes you feel like you are doing the best possible things for you. Take some time to indulge, as well. If you have had a particularly difficult day, for example, rather than letting the stress follow you home, take time to relax and pamper yourself that evening. This helps let you know that you are worth-it.
Part 3 of Look for a specialized site. If the thought of thousands of people having access to your profile makes you nervous, look for a compatibility-based site. These sites use algorithms to match you with compatible members, and only those members can see your profile. Be specific. Online dating offers you the unique opportunity to get to know someone before you actually meet them. Highlight your personality. Think about those first-date facts, the details you would use to set you apart when you first meet someone, and put them in your profile.
Post one picture.