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If you've met a person with autism, you've met a person with autism. It follows, therefore, that typical relationship advice manuals are not going to cut it for smoothing out the rough edges that can crop up when your sweetie is on the spectrum. Stanford's advice is geared to couples in which one partner is neurotypical, and one is at the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum, what used to be called -- and what many people still refer to -- as Useful advice for an NT in an LTR with an ASD.
Stanford's advice is geared to couples in which one partner is neurotypical, and one is at the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum, what used to be called -- and what many people still refer to -- as Asperger syndrome. Once you understand what purpose a behavior serves for a person with autism, you as the neurotypical partner can make the necessary adjustments to ease tension in the relationship.
Good advice for any relationship, but crucial when you are involved with someone whose wiring is completely different from yours. Although incredibly specialized, if you are in this situation, it's the perfect book to have, especially if you sincerely want the relationship to last. Jan 10, Dani Shuping rated it really liked it Shelves: aspergers. ARC provided by NetGalley As someone still coming to terms with what it means to be on the Asperger spectrum and having a long term relationship, I found this book to be extremely helpful, because I learned a lot.
The fact that it was written by someone married to a person with Aspergers, but not Aspergers herself, helped to make sure that the book flowed evenly and ma ARC provided by NetGalley As someone still coming to terms with what it means to be on the Asperger spectrum and having a long term relationship, I found this book to be extremely helpful, because I learned a lot.
The fact that it was written by someone married to a person with Aspergers, but not Aspergers herself, helped to make sure that the book flowed evenly and made sense, as she tried to cover the broadest facets possible while still providing good advice. Stanford provides a number of strategies for living with someone on the spectrum, but more importantly points out the strengths that a person on the spectrum brings to the relationship, which is something that is often missed in books as they focus on the negative.
Stanford also provides a variety of quotes and anecdotes from other couples in the same situation, to get other perspectives of handling the situation. As an end note, as a person on the spectrum I think this book is more valuable to the partner not on the spectrum. While I would love at times to be able to change who I am to reduce the problems, even if I acknowledge and try at that time to do so, it will not become a pattern or ingrained memory for me, like it does for others.
I give the book 4 out of 5 stars. Jan 21, Anne Nan rated it liked it. For the most part it was a good book, and most of it is accurate and informative. Though, I hope anyone reading it will realize that not ALL people with asperger's behave in this manner.
I had issue with some of her examples: such as giving him an icy stare and expecting him to know what she wants. Don't play games with your husband, asperger's or not. You'll get the reaction you want from him by using proper communication, not playing games and 'hoping' he realizes what you want. I also wonder For the most part it was a good book, and most of it is accurate and informative.
I also wonder if the author herself has asperger's. It's not unusual, and in fact very common, for people with aspergers to find each other. There are some examples she uses of "normal" behavior from an NT, and I think they're far fetched, as I've only experienced those behaviors from people with high emotional capacity and control, which is really rare in ANYONE.
There were a lot of "ideal" communications that don't really happen in real life. Additionally, the book needs to actually have full references. They are cited throughout the book, but not the full reference at the end of the chapter or book. Feb 17, Jill Holstein rated it it was amazing. Love can blossom. This is the most helpful book I have read so far on this subject.
Is each chapter subject in turn. So first the difficulty is explained from the AS point of view. Then from the NT point of view. Then help is given to each. So understanding is the goal. From true understanding love and happiness can blossom. The writer,s love and caring comes over very strong. You will enjoy her style of writing, and enjoy learning Love can blossom. You will enjoy her style of writing, and enjoy learning so much from every example and point.
Feb 28, Jeremiah rated it it was amazing. Almost all of it translates to the experience of any long-term relationship. It has already opened up new and better lines of communication with me and my SO. Highly recommended. Oct 20, Laura rated it liked it.
This book is simple, and not super helpful or overly suggestive, and some chapters felt incomplete. Perhaps a good primer for those who are new to exploring autism and relationships. Although, I will give it points for helping to validate my relationship experiences as a NT person. Jan 05, Joshua D rated it really liked it. I found this to be very useful as someone with ASD, as a way to find insight into and empathize with my partner. The author keeps in her very unpolished and off-the-cuff thoughts and reactions to coping with her husband's ASD.
It's hard to read at times, but it helps me understand what it's like I'm those difficult moments. It's an odd book, but I recommend it. Oct 04, Adam rated it it was amazing Shelves: marriage , asperger-s , counseling-psychology. Excellent Personal, insightful, working examples and useful analogies and stories that find the right balance.
Highly recommended for both partners. Best book I read so far on the subject. May 14, Carol Repton rated it it was amazing. A mind blowing book. It has opened up my mind to what a different world an NT and AS person live in. So many examples and tips to aid better relationships. So much hard work has gone into research. I was expecting more of a "how to long term relationship" for ASD, not realizing it's more of a handbook for NTs.
Much better than other handbooks for NTs I've read, but as per usual, more design for women NT dating men NTs, which makes the material focused on a particular audience. Good intro book for an adult making sense of her partner's ASD. Carrie McMillen rated it really liked it Mar 11, Katharine rated it liked it Oct 03, Christy rated it it was amazing Mar 25, Andrew Hilton rated it it was amazing Feb 02, Kate Ahl rated it liked it Dec 21, Quan and Laura rated it it was amazing Jun 09, Samantha rated it liked it Dec 24, Judith Bishop rated it it was amazing Aug 12, Ang MP rated it really liked it Jan 20, Diana Andrews rated it it was amazing Mar 09, Rebecca rated it really liked it Jan 31, Kourosh rated it it was ok Sep 18, Sara rated it it was ok Aug 26, Deniz dizman rated it it was amazing Jul 17, Ainara rated it really liked it Feb 05, Patricia rated it it was amazing Jan 04, B A Kirpalani rated it really liked it May 20, If you've still got questions about your dating life and need more support, check out our weekly newsletter full of reader dating questions and expert answers Don't forget to grab our totally free dating worksheet, too!
Please log in again. The login page will open in a new tab. After logging in you can close it and return to this page. Use this book as a supportive friend and it works; as a reference material however, look elsewhere. And The Best? All In All This is a solid book for Neurotypical women who want to learn more about their partner and autism-spectrum disorder.
Speaks without judgement. Cons Might be too simplistic for highly educated or knowledgeable readers. Other than the introduction, lacks in hard evidence. Basic Description Each of the 22 things is its own chapter, ranging from two pages or fewer to a handful of pages at most.
This is a solid book for Neurotypical women who want to learn more about their partner and autism-spectrum disorder. Have you read the book? What did you think? The author edited the book heavily after I reviewed it before publication — do you think it made a difference? Would you recommend this book for those dating someone on the autism spectrum? If not, what do you suggest? If you've still got questions about your dating life and need more support, check out our weekly newsletter full of reader dating questions and expert answers Don't forget to grab our totally free dating worksheet, too!
Please log in again. The login page will open in a new tab. After logging in you can close it and return to this page. Use this book as a supportive friend and it works; as a reference material however, look elsewhere. Brainstorm and come up with places you may go or groups you can join to meet potential partners in your local area, friends and family may be able to help:.
Useful information on reading body language from wikiHow, see all the pictures and info here. WikiHow also has an interesting page on how to get a girlfriend which is specifically written for people with autism. Although the title is "How to get a girlfriend if you are autistic" the information provided would be helpful for anyone with autism who is interested in a close relationship.
Flirting is the way we show someone that we are interested in them. Some people are better at this than others - when you have autism this can be particularly tricky so don't be surprised if you feel that this isn't one of your strengths. Below is a Youtube clip on how to flirt and get a date.
A big part of dating is kissing - kissing someone that you are romantically interested in is very different to kissing your parents. You've probably seen movies and TV programs when two people in a relationship are kissing each other so you know what we mean. However, if this is something you are unsure about have a look at these helpful pages on kissing from Wikihow.
Once you find someone who you are interested in and who is interested in you, there are a number of things that you can do that will make it more likely that your dates will go well and the relationship may develop. In addition to these ideas, there are some excellent books on these subjects and some resources online too.
If you are in a relationship and want to know more about sex and sexual health, have a look at our section here. We have found lots of great resources that will give you more information about romance and dating - check out our list below. This excellent workbook has a section on dating with topics such as how to read signals and when to pursue a romantic relationship.
Here is an extract from Google Books. This book has chapters on sexual health, sex and how to approach it. Extracts from the book can be found here. This is a book and a sex educational programme on all aspects of sexuality, dating and forming sexual relationships fro people on the spectrum.
You can find further information here. You might also be interested in this newspaper article about dating on the spectrum from the United States. Professor Tony Attwood, Psychologist, has also put together an article on relationships. If you are feeling like things are never going to come together for you, remember dating is tricky for everyone but there is hope!
Have a look at this video about a young couple with autism and how they manage their life together:. Like many parents, the writers of this website tend to curl up and die when it comes to thinking about our sons starting to have relationships with the opposite sex. As parents we worry about all sorts of issues: will our child ever find a partner, and even more simply, will they ever kiss? Might they misunderstand the rules around dating and especially around sex and inadvertently get themselves into trouble, even with the law?
On the Young People page of our Romance and dating section we have a list of ideas and tips. Parents can support their sons and daughters by brainstorming with them on places to meet potential boyfriends and girlfriends and then on practising the many skills needed to form and maintain romantic relationships.
We have also listed some videos in the young people section which give simple advice on flirting, dating and even kissing. If your son or daughter is receptive, it might be a good idea to watch these together and discuss them. For those living in Sydney, Aspect is running a workshop on dating in Burwood on the 9th and 16th May.
Click here for more information. In addition to these ideas, there are some excellent books on these subjects and some resources online too — check out our list below. This is a book and a sex educational programme on all aspects of sexuality, dating and forming sexual relationships for people on the spectrum.
Believe it or not, WikiHow also has some interesting pages on flirting , kissing and getting a date.