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It is customary for a young single Thai woman never to go on a date alone. Most American and European men would find this very old-fashioned and restrictive. However if you want to be accepted by her family, then you should respect her family's customs. In most cases this will be no more than a token observance of the custom, and be abandoned after the first date - but not always! In order to understand how modern-day Thai customs have developed, it is necessary to look to pre-Vietnam War days, and how the American and Australian presence in this part of Asia affected Thai marriage customs.
Traditionally, young Thais would not court unchaperoned by family members for several months. The purpose was to ensure that no inappropriate physical activity took place between the two, and also for the family to assess the suitability of young man as a husband.
In many cases, young Thai women were not allowed to spend time alone with a young man under any circumstances. In fact, until recently, a Thai woman would not date a guy unless she considered him a potential husband. Thais did not date as westerners date, but the whole family became involved. Naturally, nature wins, and some family members could be bribed to disappear for an hour or so, but that does not alter the fact that marriage in Thailand did not take place until the family agreed.
If a young woman became pregnant, then father had to marry the woman - or else! However, in general, the Thai marriage customs ensured that the woman's family agreed that the man was a suitable husband. During and after the Vietnam War, American and Australian money played a great part in relaxing such customs. However, although relaxed, they still apply, particularly where the prospective bride's family see the opportunity to make money from the groom.
Not all Thai families are like this, but in many of the very poor areas of the country it is understandable for them to take this approach. Americans rarely encounter the degree of poverty suffered by inland Thai families. Perhaps before we discuss this quaint custom and we should point out that to Thais, marriage is also a sacred pact between a man and a woman even where the marriage is between a Thai and foreign man farang.
Thailand is a developing country where each individual must rely on themselves and to a lesser extent, the family unit for support and survival. Thai women often see marriage as a practical step and consider carefully the suitability of any man to provide as is the case in western societies except in Thailand, the matter is approached more practically.
Although a foreign man might generally be considered a good marriage option for a Thai woman with limited prospects, there is also honour involved. The sin sot, also known as the bride price, is part of the marriage negotiation. Although outdated, it is still an integral part of modern Thai marriage custom.
It is often looked upon as being a ritual than an actual handing over of money, and where cash is passed from the groom to the bride's father it is often returned - but not always. This is where the origins of a young bride become important. There are many extremely poor areas of Thailand where young women actively seek out western men as husbands, so that their families can benefit from the sin sot.
In such cases, the family might ask for very high sums in exchange for their daughter's hand in marriage - and will keep it. If you are not financially rich, then be careful who you decide to marry, because it might cost you more than you can afford. If you do intend asking your young Thai girl friend to marry you, it is important that your family talks to the girl's family to discuss the marriage and the sin sot.
Thais don't expect foreigners to actually send their families to Thailand, and it is perfectly acceptable for you to nominate and pay a Thai elder to act for your family in this respect. Make sure this person has your interests at heart and not those of your bride's family! The origins of the sin sot are hidden in the past, although the concept of the 'bride price' is not new, even to the west. It was a form of guarantee that the bride was a virgin - the groom paid the family to ensure that this was the case.
Not now, of course, but it is still a means of the bride saving 'face'. If the woman was cheated by the man, the sin sot was to offer her cash in recompense. By paying the sin sot, the groom is accepting her as a virgin even though she may likely not be. In Thailand, even today, men still do not like the idea of marrying a woman who has been with another man, particularly a divorcee or a mother. If it is proved that she has been unfaithful, it is tradition that the sin sot is returned to him.
Most of the customs observed with regard to the events leading up to marriage in Thailand have evolved over the years to protect the prospective bride. They are intended to prevent the young woman being taken advantage of, and protect her valuable virginity until she is married. The sin sot is intended to offer the groom some form of security that this is the case, and is returned to him if not.
If the foreigner brings benefits to the woman and her family, many flaws can be overlooked, at least initially. The problem with this is that, after a period of familiarity, these flaws and faults become more important to the woman. Among these might be hygiene issues, being overweight, of advanced age and refusing to observe local Thai customs.
A key issue in most divorce cases cited disputes over a property or land holding usually in the name of the Thai wife. This does happen. In Thailand land must be owned by Thais, foreign men should know that this law is strict and ways around it are fraught with dangers. From personal experience, I would say that if a foreigner buys land in Thailand from the Thai womans family for instance to build a home and the home is in her name, this does increase the risk of divorce but I have would still say that this is the exception.
How you present yourself in Thailand is very important to Thai people. Nothing expensive, just smart, covering the knees, and light enough for comfort in the heat. Monks Monks are second to royal family in terms of respect given. At a temple you may be able to speak with a monk if they can speak English, but usually in public places a monk will just quietly get along with their own business and Thai people.
Sometimes I see local Thais speaking with local monks, and a local monk always share a good morning in English when he sees me. I have briefly spoke with monks at temples, but I would never just randomly speak with them elsewhere. Monks are forbidden to have physical contact with females as part of the Buddhist precepts they follow. Thai women respect this and do not usually stand next to or sit next to a monk in robes.
Etiquette in Public Physical contact such as kissing and touching in public is usually avoided in Thailand. Holding hands is fine. When I meet my wife in public I will touch her arm to show affection and greet her warmly, but never hug and kiss. Thais in general are quite reserved and conservative in public.
There is a respect for others within their environment. Avoiding conflict, arguments and causing a fuss about what others are doing is also the Thai way. Keeping your cool is important…even in circumstances you know you are in the right — stay cool Jai Yen. This is a much bigger subject I will cover in another article. The basics of how most Thais like to appear in public is based on politeness, consideration of others, and being seen as a person with self control.
Tipping Tipping can be slightly similar to how tips are given in the west in one way. A difference I have found is politeness and good service is mostly much better than I experience in the UK. Most of the restaurants I visit that I use frequently or the places that waiting staff are very helpful I will leave a tip. If I have an opportunity to leave a tip in any situation that I get a good service, I will.
It has always been a problem for every Thai woman to be generalized as hookers and bar girls all over the media and on foreign countries. A good Thai woman is very hard to find in Thailand as they are afraid of being judged if they are hanging out with a foreigner.
Some Thai women would not date foreigners as they would also think about foreigners as sex expats. When you ask a Thai woman for a date, make sure to make it more traditional by asking them politely. Most would take at least a couple of days for her to decide. Just be patient in waiting for her response and do not force her if she is not interested in going out with you. When dating Thai women, the safest way to get to know each other more is to ask a Thai woman out for a coffee date rather than a fancy dinner.
Thai women are also being stereotyped as materialistic. But in reality, dating Thai women is not hard at all. They are willing to pay for themselves on your dates because they have their own jobs. You may give her a bouquet of flowers, chocolates and teddy bears during special occasions like Christmas, New year and anniversaries.
Take note that not all Thai women are materialistic. One Thai girl dating tip you should always remember is that a non-materialistic woman would consider your love, care, and respect to be the best gifts that you can give. Thai women or any woman of any nationality would prefer to date a man who dresses neatly and practices proper grooming. A man should take note of that in order for them to get the best first impression from Thai women. We all know that you would only get one chance of scoring a good first impression.
A Farang Uniform is what most western men wear in Thailand that consists of tank tops and shorts. Make sure not to be assertive during the first few dates. Being rude is what makes you a bad person in Thai culture. It is also the same as being ignorant and disrespectful if you show your rude attitude in public.
She will only get worried that you are stereotyping her as a usual Thai woman that foreigners think. Do not kiss her in public or show any public display of affection because Thai people are conservative when it comes to those things. A Thai woman is unlikely to confront other people. If you happen to notice this during your first date, do not assume that they are not honest and sincere.
Jokes about sex are unlikely to be an appropriate topic for every Thai woman and you should refrain these topics during your first dates. It is better not to talk about it as they find it very embarrassing and inappropriate. I've also known a number of men who have gone the whole hog and then suddenly backed out and disappeared, either into the ether of Southeast Asia or simply back home. After a number of months they came to realize that the person they were involved with wasn't quite the person they thought, for one reason or another.
They came to realize that actually, relationships in Thailand aren't that different from any other country. There is no perfect rose garden. So take it easy. Enjoy the dating process. Get to know someone properly before making commitments and uprooting your whole life. I know it's tempting, because things back home are boring and routine and women are only interested in men with a lot of money… yada, yada, yada.
Find someone you have shared interests with, someone who makes you laugh, someone who isn't looking for a cash cow or a financial sponsor for their entire family. A good goal is to find a partner who is independent, and would be fine whether you were in their life or not. Again, the same goes for your home country, but men in particular seem to lose their heads in Southeast Asia. The risk of sexually transmitted diseases is actually far higher in Thailand that it would be back home, in particular HIV and Hepatitis B.
No matter how attractive the person, how kind and caring they appear, you do not know their sexual history. Don't take risks. And if you intend on being sexually active in Thailand, get a Hepatitis B vaccination before you travel. I remember when I first arrived in Thailand and we met up with a friend of the guy I was traveling with, who was a regular visitor to Thailand.
He was also with a couple of expats who had lived here a while. We'd soon come to understand the culture of these bars and that the women were available to take home, so to speak. On that first night, after going to a round of bars, we were taken to a local disco. Surprisingly, many of the women in the bars came to the disco once they'd finished work at the bar. So even when you go to a club, depending on the club, it could be difficult to know which women are working an angle and which women are genuinely having a night out.
Of course, over time you know the signs and the signals and in many instances it is very obvious because they are acting in a way that the average Thai woman wouldn't. That being said, after a few drinks even the most reserved office girl can let her hair down, and why not.
I used to hang out with some folks from my friend's office in Thailand, and, as is the case back home, the most reserved office worker can certainly loosen up after a couple of shots. The point I'm making is that bars and discos are not always the ideal place to meet women back home, let alone in Thailand where, particularly in the tourist areas, the line between women working the nightlife and those enjoying it on a recreational basis can be fairly blurred.
If you're not one for nightclubs and bars, or for approaching women to talk to in such environments, then that's where dating sites can be useful — because you can get an immediate insight into the person's life through their profile, and get to know them slowly through a neutral communication channel. If you're living in Thailand, you can then arrange to meet up, or if you come in for a holiday, you can make plans in advance. Dating sites offer a more diverse range of women.
Bear in mind that the large majority of women in Thailand do not go to bars and clubs where foreign tourists are going to be hanging out. Many women are only dragged out to a club when it's someone's birthday, or an office do. Indeed, if you're a newbie foreigner on Thai soil, your first proper conversation with a Thai woman is more likely to be with a hooker than an office worker — which is crazy considering those working in the night-time industry are by far the minority.
So they register a profile on a dating site such as Thai Cupid. One unexpected Thai dating occurrence, that might be considered a cultural difference, is that women in Thailand often bring a chaperone with them on a first date. This might also extend to the second and third date.
There are a few reasons for this. The first is that historically a woman wouldn't be seen with a man in a dating or intimate capacity if she wasn't intending to marry him. This has its roots in the old culture that if a man and woman are seen out eating together, walking around together and doing things that couples do, then they would be considered a couple. They would then be the gossip of the village. With this in mind, consider that on a first, second or third date, you may not have reached the point where you are officially a couple, and therefore the woman would feel more comfortable if there was a friend there to make it look like a meeting of friends rather than lovers.
The second reason is that Thai women tend to be quite reserved when it comes to dating and intimate encounters. Culturally, it is not becoming of a woman to be forward in this arena, and therefore a woman is likely to be fairly shy and quiet on a first date. Of course, for the sake of the explanation I am generalizing here and there are exceptions to this.
However, there is also the language barrier to consider, and despite a woman having a good grasp of English, it can still be quite difficult to understand accents from different countries and to follow a conversation in a busy environment such as a restaurant or a bar.
Moreover, your date may have very little experience with foreign men; most Thai women don't. Your date may never have visited Europe, or had a Western friend. Bringing along a friend will make your date feel more comfortable and confident.
There will be someone there to break the ice. And then there's the safety issue. It is highly unlikely that your date has told any close family that she is going on a date, particularly a date to meet foreign man. There are also some men who try to pressure women into intimacy after a date by persuading them to come to their home or go on somewhere for drinks.
So having the chaperone there gives your date sense of security and an excuse to leave or go home to her home at the end of the night, should she need it. While it may be somewhat annoying to have a chaperone on the first date or three, I don't think it is something to frown at.
It's probably the most sensible thing to do. Thai women can be reserved and conservative. This is quite a difficult topic for me to approach because I don't want to be judgmental of anyone's choice of partner, or of any woman or man's profession.
However, over the many years of running this blog I have received many emails — mostly from men — regarding women that they've had a bad experience with. Nearly every single one of these men met their partner in a bar or got involved with a woman who has no job but a number of financial commitments, leading one to ponder as to how this woman was supporting herself before her new boyfriend came into her life.
The story usually evolves gradually over time, uncovering evidence of other men in her life, of increasing demands for money to pay off debts — either hers or someone in her family — drug or alcohol abuse, emotional blackmail and violence, the list goes on. The problem is that many of the women who end up working in bars or as prostitutes, either on the street or freelancing in clubs, or as escorts, have come from broken homes, broken relationships, and abusive backgrounds where alcohol and gambling usually play a part.
Many have also experienced sexual abuse. The other side of this problem is that they are still very much connected to these problems and have a commitment to members of their family who quite frankly they'd probably be better off without.
One of the ties to family is that most of these women have children and the children are living with grandparents or another member of family. They have to send money home their family to support their kids and support their aging parents. I've written about this before in a somewhat now famous post that divided a lot of opinion. Having done some work at a women's shelter in Bangkok I have heard first hand the problems that these women have encountered since a young age.
Having been in so many dysfunctional relationships, it makes it very difficult for them to be in normal relationships, let alone a relationship with a foreigner who has no idea of their background and present situation. It can be tempting to be a white knight, but consider that this may not work out very well for you at all, and may end up negatively affecting your life in many ways. But what I am saying is this:.
If you can meet a woman who is reasonably well educated, or who at least finished high school and has some kind of diploma or profession; someone who gets up in the morning and goes to work every day; someone who is used to functional relationships within her family, with her friends and has had normal relationships with boyfriends; there will be a greater chance of success in the long term. Moreover, it's ideal if you can find someone who is good with money and wants to be in a relationship where both people want to work hard to create a life together, rather than a person in a dire financial position who needs you to be their support mechanism, indefinitely.
No one comes with zero issues and we all have some baggage from the past. But I'm just trying to be as upfront and real as I can with you on this subject, because I have seen the Thailand dream end in tatters for so many men due to toxic relationships that were doomed to fail from the start. Of course, let me caveat this by saying it isn't always down to the woman.
Many a foreign man has been the architect of his relationship's demise, and oftentimes it is drink and promiscuity that causes the lady to flip her lid. Anyway, amidst this word of warning it should be said that there are hundreds of thousands of wonderful, down to earth, hard-working, single Thai women who would make any man a proud partner. To bring some balance to that last section, my advice to you, the man, is to be careful that you don't make promises you can't keep.
As noted early on in this post, it's easy to get carried away in the land of smiles. It is easy to tell a girl that you love her and that you're going to move to Thailand and give her the life she's always wanted. The thing is, while some women will know it's the beer talking, others will buy into the fact that they've met their knight in shining armor — because undoubtedly they would have seen it happen to other women.
Truth be told, most are miserable as sin :. Again, there is the language barrier and the cultural barrier. Many Thai people only have movies as a reference for Westerners. So you may be talking to a woman who is basing her expectations of Western men on the film Pretty Woman, in which case she is expecting to go from rags to riches overnight. Nationalities and cultures aside, it isn't nice to lead anyone on and, assuming that the majority of people reading this article are over the age of 30, we should know better than to let teenage kicks control the words that come out of our mouths.
In the same way I have witnessed a number of men return home with their tail between their legs, I have also seen a number of good Thai women dumped by their foreign partners and left at the drop of a hat for a prettier or younger model, or abandoned because there are better prospects back home or elsewhere. I won't recount the whole story here, but a good friend of mine had a woman banging down his door at 3 o'clock in the morning, kicking and screaming to the point where he had to call the police.
He'd been seen going home with another woman! We've all heard stories of scorned Thai women cutting off the penis of their partner and feeding it to the ducks. I know, that's rich coming from me writing this post, in which I have made a number of generalizations. But please understand I had to do this to some degree to try and describe cultural tendencies in particular situations. But the key is to not judge every book by its cover. Consider that You will read about the guy who made a very bad judgement, or the guy who contributed heavily to messing up his own relationship and blames it all on his partner.
These men take to forums to vent their anger. I mean, I know why they say it, and they are just relating to someone else who has a partner from Thailand. But the reason it makes me laugh is because it sounds like Thai women are some special breed, like they are not inherently human, that they are alien in some way or some kind of special purchase or product.
Every Thai woman is an individual, with her own opinions, her own likes and dislikes and tendencies. Every Thai woman has her own goals, her own hobbies, her own past experiences and future expectations; her own way of reacting to different situations and dealing with different circumstances. They are two individuals putting their own stamp on the world. I mean, just think of it like this: how many relationships have you had with women from your own country?
And how many of these have been successful? I'm sure you've had a few bad encounters, but do you go around generalizing about all the women in your country? Probably not, because that would include your mother, your auntie's, your sister, your daughter, etc.
It makes no sense. Of course we can make generalizations regarding culture. I mean, I could generalize by saying that pretty much every Thai woman feels indebted to her parents and as such will do her best to take care of them throughout her life. I could probably also generalize and say that the majority of Thai women like Mama noodles, just like I could say the majority of English people like Tea.
But when we start making sweeping generalizations about the way women of a particular nation behave in a relationship, I think we are treading on very thin water in terms of stripping people of their individualism, and therefore dehumanizing them. Apr 06, at am. Dec 29, at am. Sep 16, at am. Feb 06, at am. Feb 05, at pm.
Feb 02, at pm.