I'm a single I'm a rebbetzin. You may be feeling apprehensive about the shidduch dating process, but you don't have to go through it alone. Join our growing database of over singles and access our national network of almost shadchanim and dating mentors.
Your mentor will work directly with shadchanim to screen suggestions and can help you check references for each one. Shidduchim is a highly personal and sensitive topic. We get it. Every conversation is treated with discretion, privacy and strict confidence. We take a comprehensive approach to your shidduch needs, giving you personal attention throughout. We offer well-researched shidduch suggestions but also so much more: a listening ear and helping hand in every aspect of shidduchim.
Our Rebbetzins will guide you through the traditional Jewish dating process, from looking into suggestions to giving over the customs and expectations you should be familiar with. GoffBanker and lawyer Frederick H. Today, the moving and shaking that Goff began with his revolutionary idea have become a benevolent worldwide rumble. And its greatest In its Sunday, July 13, opinion page editorial, the Plain Dealer noted an important requirement for the future success of this region in the shrinking world of the 21st century.
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We take a comprehensive approach to your shidduch needs, giving you personal attention throughout. We offer well-researched shidduch suggestions but also so much more: a listening ear and helping hand in every aspect of shidduchim. Our Rebbetzins will guide you through the traditional Jewish dating process, from looking into suggestions to giving over the customs and expectations you should be familiar with.
A dedicated dating mentor can give you personalized advice and help you gain clarity on the confusing questions and emotions that come up throughout your dating career. Toggle navigation. Got shidduch dating challenges? National Network Join our growing database of over singles and access our national network of almost shadchanim and dating mentors. Reliable Research Your mentor will work directly with shadchanim to screen suggestions and can help you check references for each one.
Confidentiality Shidduchim is a highly personal and sensitive topic. Shidduch Process Our Rebbetzins will guide you through the traditional Jewish dating process, from looking into suggestions to giving over the customs and expectations you should be familiar with. A shidduch often begins with a recommendation from family members, friends or others who see matchmaking as a mitzvah , or commandment.
Some engage in it as a profession and charge a fee for their services. Usually a professional matchmaker is called a shadchan , but anyone who makes a shidduch is considered the shadchan for it. After the match has been proposed, the prospective partners meet a number of times to gain a sense of whether they are right for one another. The number of dates prior to announcing an engagement may vary by community.
In some, the dating continues several months. In stricter communities, the couple may decide a few days after originally meeting with each other. Also the age when shidduchim start may vary by community. In frum circles, especially among Hassidim , eighteen is the age when shidduchim start and shadchanim take notice.
Those who support marriage by shidduch believe that it complies with traditional Judaism 's outlook on Tzniut , modest behaviour in relations between men and women,   and prevents promiscuity. It may also be helpful in small Jewish communities where meeting prospective marriage partners is limited, and this gives them access to a broader spectrum of potential candidates.
If the shidduch works out then the couple inform the shadchan of its success. In recent years, a number of shidduchim sites have appeared on the Internet. The prospective partners either date each other or in stricter communities they go to a "bashow"  or sit in.
A typical bashow scene is that the young man with his parents goes to see the young woman in her house or that of someone hosting ,   to see if the prospective couple are compatible. Both sets of parents talk to each other, and then when the setting is more relaxed, they go into another room, leaving the man and woman in the living room to speak among themselves.
Some use this opportunity to actually ask each other pertinent questions, while some just want to see if they like each other, relying more on the information they got from the shadchen or from other people. The number of bashow s prior to announcing an engagement varies, as some have many bashow s while others have as few as one, which is typical among the children of Hasidic Rebbes.
It can also be used to express the seeming fate or destiny of an auspicious or important event, friendship, or happening. In modern usage, Jewish singles will say that they are looking for their bashert , meaning they are looking for that person who will complement them perfectly, and whom they will complement perfectly. Since it is considered to have been Heavenly foreordained whom one will marry, one's spouse is considered to be one's bashert by definition, independent of whether the couple's marital life works out well or not.
A somewhat related word is zivug. The first recorded shidduch in the Torah was the match that Eliezer , the servant of the Jewish patriarch Abraham , made for his master's son Isaac Genesis Ch. Abraham gave him specific instructions to choose a woman from Abraham's own tribe. Eliezer traveled to his master's homeland to fulfill Abraham's wishes, arriving at a well. After a short prayer to God for guidance, describing how a virtuous woman might act toward a traveling stranger at the well, Rebekah appeared on the scene and did everything described in Eliezer's prayer.
Eliezer then went with Rebekah to her family and appealed to them for permission to take Rebekah back with him to be Isaac's wife. Once this permission was granted, Rebekah joined Eliezer on the road home to Isaac. Even so, Isaac gained his own impression of her before agreeing to marry her Rashi, commentary to Genesis However, when Eliezer proposes to take Rebekah back to Isaac in Canaan , he is told by Rebekah's family: "Let us ask the maiden" i.
This is taken as an instruction for Jewish parents to weigh their child's opinion in the balance during an arranged marriage. Regardless of whether proper procedure is followed, this is not the end of the decision - it is believed by Jews that the final say belongs to God, who may have different plans compare with the match of Jacob and Leah.
The Talmud Bavli Kiddushin 12a, first version states that academy head Abba Arikha would give corporal punishment to a man who would marry without shidduchin , that is,  without prearrangement by the couple. The text gives three versions of his practice; the other two versions disagree. Some authorities rule according to the first version,   while others rule according to the other two versions.
In Kiddushin 41a states that a man should not marry a woman he has not seen, lest he come to violate "love your neighbour as yourself". The etymology of the words "shidduch" and "shadchan" is uncertain. The medieval rabbi Nissim of Gerona commonly called Ran traces it back to the Aramaic word for "calm" cf.
Targum to the Book of Judges , and elaborates that the main purpose of the shidduch process is for young people to " settle down " into marriage. The word shadchan refers to people who carry out shidduchim as a profession within the religious Jewish community. One of the characters in the musical Fiddler on the Roof is a matchmaker named Yente. Although Torah law allows for a bat-kohen to marry a challal , convert, or freed slave Hebrew eved meshukhrar , the Midrash and Talmud cite Johanan bar Nappaha 's view that a daughter of the kohen is best off marrying a kohen.
Rabbi Yochanan maintains that in the event a bat-kohen marries a non-Kohen, undesired results for the groom are likely to surface, such as poverty or the demise of the groom. An exception to this taboo is if the groom is a Talmid Chacham.
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